2016.

I know, I know. We are not in 2016 yet. We make all these resolutions and decide to change our lives from January 1st every year, year after year, and set goals for ourselves, but I am only coming to realize off late that it doesn't matter what date it is, what time it is, or what moment it is. On that note, let us review the year that was.

1. To be able to do lunges/squats comfortably with a barbell. - Acheived!

2. To be Bikini ready by the end of December. - Nope. Not quite there yet.

3. To start saving money (seriously, I spend everything I earn. Like, everything. Need to be more responsible) - Still working on this one.

4. Take 2 international trips and 2 trips within India. - Well, I took 1 international trip and 4 within India. Does that count? I think so.

5. To take a leap of faith careerwise. - I don't think I am quite there yet.

6. Buy a DSLR - Nope.

7. Take food blogging more seriously. - A little bit, yes.

8. Replace my entire wardrobe (except any 5 items that hold sentimental value) - A big yes!

9. Finish another Marathon. - Didn't happen.

10. Travel with Lover. - Yes.

2015 started out on a great note but I cannot say the same about the note it is ending on. I am glad that this year is getting over and I am positive that 2016 will bring in happiness and success for all of us. I have been writing these checklists for years now, but I don't think I will be continuing to do so anymore. I am going to look at the bigger picture, and just be grateful for everything that I have and pray for the well being of everyone around me. I hope 2016 makes me a better person, helps me exercise wisdom and maturity, and give me the strength to hold on to my one true love.

May the force be with all of us.

PMS woes

I am one of those women who undergo some really crazy mood swings starting 10-12 days before my period. That is almost half a month. My body goes through such drastic ups and downs that it becomes very difficult for me to handle. I suffer from PCOS, for which I take birth control pills to regularize my period. The first side effect of these pills is mood swing. I am not making this up, I cried at a YouTube video this evening where people were prepping for the Boston Marathon and I saw a man running with a wheelchair on which his loved one was enjoying the fresh breath of air.

I am blessed with a brother who has seen me go through the painful and irritable process and always made sure that he gave me the space or attention as needed. It turned out quite well when he started dating a girl and would do the same for her. But not everyone can be that understanding, even if they want to. Some of the common questions asked to me are:

“What can I do to help?” “How can I make this better?” “Am I doing anything wrong?”

The answer to all of these is - I don’t know. I cannot tell you how you can make this better for me. I cannot possibly give you any suggestion when I am not able to handle myself in these times. One moment I am euphoric, the other moment I am crying, and later I am stuffing my face with food that is totally not good for me. I know I should try and get in a light workout, but getting out of bed becomes such a task, that it all just seems far fetched. Sometimes even a person next to me breathing loudly makes me flip.

I am not using this as an excuse to do whatever I want. I don’t even know why I feel the need to put this out there, but it would be nice to have someone at least trying to understand that it is not in my hands, how I react to situations. Sometimes one just needs that someone to hug them and hold them and tell them that everything is going to be okay. Seems like this is a lot to ask for.

Sometimes we feel the need to remind people to be a little more considerate towards us, but repeating it every month only leads to making the opposite person frustrated. Where does that leave us? Nowhere. Possibly wanting to punch another person for breathing too loudly next to us.
The amusing part is that they used to do it all for you before. They used to keep track of your dates. They used to be OKAY with your mood swings. I guess its just a chore now. When it becomes a chore, we just have to let go.

Where’s my bar of chocolate?

2015 Checklist!

Hello again!

First of all, if you're reading this, let me wish you a very very happy new year. Hope 2014 was a great year for you and even if it wasn't, hope it gave you the strength to see it all through and never give up. Wishing everyone a fantastic 2015!

As for me, 2014 was a year which at the end of it has left me with no major complaints. Every year I sit down on the same date and try to summarize the year that was, realizing how much I learned and grew as a person, but this year taught me how to prioritize my feelings. It taught me to value myself more, to make myself happy and content, to feel accomplishment, and go to bed with a smile on my face. All of this, but not in a selfish way. I really think I deserved that. Almost no one can fiddle with your mind once you start being happy with yourself!

Lets see how I did in 2014, here we go!

1. Lose Weight. Get Fit. Build Stamina. CHECK! Although this change occurred only post late November, I am going to give myself credit for it. I really do feel I have become more fitness oriented, not in the "lose weight" kind of way but more like leading a healthy, fit and strong lifestyle. I workout for 2 hours, 5 days a week and have managed to lose 8 kilograms of pure, unadulterated fat since 22nd November 2014.

2. Run a Marathon: CHECK! Well, lets not call it a Marathon, it was a Walk-a-thon. But I did it. I only did a 5k walk in 55 minutes. But I did it. I have built my stamina way more and can cover close to 10 km now, but I did it. On to bigger marathons this year! :)

3. Travel More with Lover.: FAIL. There is a reason. He moved to my city in September for a project. Since he is now based out of Bombay, it has been quite hectic getting him settled in, and him adapting to the pace of Bombay, while finding a place to stay, managing work, home, maids, cleanliness, bills etc. We just haven't had the time. But he's settled here now, for few months at least, and travel is definitely on the cards.

4. Get a Flying Job.: FAIL. To say that Aviation in India is going through a bad phase would probably be an understatement. As much as I love to fly, I have started to think practically. I am giving myself till the mid of 2015 where I'd focus on flying as my career completely. If nothing happens, I am prepared for a switch.

5. Learn to Let Go: CHECK. I have realized that the more I try to force myself to let go of things, the more I cannot. So I finally decided to go with the flow and I am very happy to report that I am not having emotional breakdowns in the middle of Ghulam Ali Ghazals anymore!

6. Value people who value you: CHECK. I have made it a practice to value peoples' emotions towards me, especially the positive ones. Sure, I have my special someone who I drive crazy with being stubborn and the least understanding person ever, but in general, I have learned to value words spoken by people who know the value of words and feelings.

7. Help the needy. CHECK. CHECK. CHECK.

8. Learn to Listen: CHECK. I must confess, I had the toughest time dealing with this one until after September 2014, but I am learning to listen. I am learning to shut up as well.

9. Write more often. CHECK. I have been fairly regular with my food blog this year. But I can still improve on the frequency of my posts!

10. Learn a new Language. CHECK CHECK CHECK! Oui, you're reading from Mademoiselle Ashrita who has completed her beginners level in French speaking! :) This month I am starting with level 2! YAY!

80% again! Damn! Needed to do better!

Alright, lets set some goals for 2015.

1. To be able to do lunges/squats comfortably with a barbell.

2. To be Bikini ready by the end of December.

3. To start saving money (seriously, I spend everything I earn. Like, everything. Need to be more responsible)

4. Take 2 international trips and 2 trips within India.

5. To take a leap of faith careerwise.

6. Buy a DSLR

7. Take food blogging more seriously.

8. Replace my entire wardrobe (except any 5 items that hold sentimental value)

9. Finish another Marathon.

10. Travel with Lover.

All the best to me, and to you! What are your resolutions this year? I would love to know!

Clusterfuck.

SNAFU. FUBAR.

Charlie Foxtrot.

Some of the terms I can associate my life with at this very instant. I wish I could go ahead and post something cryptic yet philosophical, make some smart references, throw in a metaphor or two here and there but the fact will still remain. My life is a clusterfuck.

I am nothing if not a planner and the plan I had for my life has long fallen flat, caught fire and burned to ashes at this stage. I have no focus, no direction, I am ready to go anywhere, but its just that I have no destination. Some may call this living on the edge, taking it one day at a time, but it just makes me feel sorry for myself at the end of the day, for being okay with achieving even something that is close to nothing. Why am I okay with this? Am I really prepared for living my life this way? I don't know.

Its supposed to be the festive season, and I am sitting at home, alone, typing a blog post about how miserable my life is, while I am almost dizzy with the medication for my flu. I don't see the point in dressing up anymore. I don't feel the festive spirit. No one's smiling around me. I have no energy to say anything positive to anyone either.

Emotionally I am not doing great either. I wish I could elaborate. But it'll just make me cry. That's the thing with clusterfucks. Its all haywire.

The nose hair that never grew back.

Image Credit: Google Search Images

Ever heard the patent song of the character Phoebe Buffay from the popular TV series FRIENDS?

Smelly Cat, Sme-ll-y Cat,

What are they feeding you?

Smelly Cat, Smme-lllll-y Cat,

Its not your fault...

Except it is. Phoebe could take it. I cannot.

Lets face it, we have all been through that stage in life where someone told us that we stank. Some of us felt bad about it, went home and cried, took offense and never spoke to those people again. Some of us took offense, never spoke to those people again but decided to shave our armpits and invest in a deodorant so no one could ever say that to us again. Some of us are so paranoid that we never travel without mints or chewing gum or some kind of mouth freshener. But some, and I hope that there are not many of this kind, they ignore it and continue to stink the place up. Yes, the story I am about to tell you is real. It is about my nose hair that I lost forever.

My nose hair had a beautiful childhood. It was mainly filled with many a delicious fragrances, right from the mind awakening fragrant tadka, or the refreshing shampoo fragrances. Sure, there were instances where the nose hair had to bear the smell of garbage and other wastes, rotten fruits and vegetables, smelling peoples sweat from a distance and guessing who it was, among other things. My unsuspecting nose hair thought it had seen it all.

Excited about being an almost 20-something, me and my nose hair left for Canada and were all set to face life with the 'YOLO' attitude. We learned the smell of success, the smell of failure, smell of burned food, unwashed laundry, living alone and keeping it clean. Then we met my roommate, 'P'. P changed my nose hairs' life forever.

Imagine the smell that puts you off the most. Then multiply it by 10. That would be the smell of P passing by from the distance of 10 meters from you. I am not even exaggerating. My nose hair was awake like it was on crack. I could feel it in my nose. We assured each other that we could do this. We were wrong.

Imagine the smell that I described before, masked by the cheapest 'scent' you can find. I say 'scent' because they are sold on roads and cheap shops as duplicates of the original stuff, and somehow accentuate the body odour. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. At this point my throat and innards joined the party with my nose hair. I think I had a Migraine for 3-4 months during those days.

Now imagine the smell masked by the scent, along with a really strong breath odour. I am talking the-green-coloured-smoke-from-cartoons-associated-with-garbage-or-rotten-things strong. People stopped talking to her. No one wanted to be her friend. I convinced my nose hair that we are good people and should talk to her about it. She laughed it off in denial and said she did not smell anything. Stunned, we left.

P started hating me and I moved to the couch outside our room for the sake of my nose hair. I would secretly wash her laundry, and replace her soap with extra strong scented body wash. I even bought her a new deodorant, parfum and the strongest breath mints available in the market. Winters were the most difficult times, as we could not keep windows open with all the snow, and had to rely on vents for air. My nose hair had reduced to half by that point.

One fine day P was sitting next to a guy in class, and happened to just raise her hand to ask a question. The monsters of her armpit directly released on to the poor boy and he threw up in class. He was so mad at her that he told her even Skunks smell better. She cried a lot that day. I convinced my nose hair (for the last time) that she needed a hug. My nose hair completely melted that day. I never spoke to her again, and my nose hair never grew back.

I guess what I am trying to say is that nose hair are more important than we would imagine. You must never let your nose hair down. You have an involuntary relationship with them. Just for that sake, please, I beg you all to bathe. Bathe at least once, daily. You don't wanna be like this guy:

As for P, she moved on, got a really good job. The stinky tales still make their rounds. I do not miss her, but I will never forget that stench in my life. I hope she found the right deodorant for herself.

This post was written for the IndiBlogger.com contest #WhatsThatSmellBoss in association with Racold Thermo Ltd. You can check out their Facebook page here.

Snip.

You know, I have realized that having to lose weight is not just a physical but a mental process. Once you dig deep enough to get to the point where you're so lost, you don't know what to do or say or think, when you break down and cry like a baby, when you let go off that tough exterior, you lose a lot of emotional baggage and that shows on the weighing scale as well as on your body too. I am still a work in progress as far as all this goes, but I think I am ready to be out with the old and in with what and who really matters.

Over the years I have spoken about de cluttering and letting go but when we say we let go of things, we sometimes bury some emotions just because we are not in the state of facing them at all. Those emotions, in our opinion are not worth the hurt and tears, but they cause us more damage than we can think. Every time we talk to someone we are seemingly opening up to, we speak about either having some emotional skeletons in our closet or having gone through a lot in life and being able to feel the pain of some people because we experienced it at some point in our past. Did we really deal with those emotions at all?

I guess we need to fish out all those buried emotions from inside, and deal with them, cry over them, and when we talk to people the next time, we think to ourselves that as much as we are aware of how it felt, we are so glad that we are not in a place that we can feel it anymore.

I just wrote a Dear John letter to my jerk of an ex boyfriend. Although it has been several years since we broke up, I guess there was some part of me that kept certain emotions locked inside. It would have been another story if it was anything happy but all those memories are of disapproval and betrayal. I wrote to him saying that I forgive him for everything he did, not because of any other thing but for my own peace of mind.

I feel light headed already. He will probably send me an email back with a list of swear words I would have never heard of, but you know what, I forgive him. I will update on how this affected my weight loss goals next week. 

2014 Checklist.

Hello Blogosphere!

I guess the relationship between me and this blog has become that what is between two people who were once best friends, but now only end up calling each other on Birthdays (New Year in this case) but that doesn't mean one bit that they do not love each other. They just understand the absence. The annual phone call (blog post) becomes introspective and self evaluative which is always a good thing, but one thing remains constant, that comfort level like you just met yesterday, and updating each other on life happenings is just so much fun!

So here I am, in that introspective and self evaluative mode, with last year's checklist, and in full swing to make a new one.

2013 Checklist:

1. Get fitter, leaner. FAIL. I have been neglecting my health all of this year and really need to buck up and make a change in my routine for my own well being.

2. Think a million times before letting people into your life. Check. I am of the kind who refuses to let go of things. Be it people or instances which hurt me. While I am still working on that, I have been very very careful about letting new people into my life. Funny thing is, the more I try to shun some people away, they carve their way into my heart. I am only thankful and I feel so loved that I earned not one but two beautiful friends this year.

3. Get your dream job. Check+Fail Baking has been going on full throttle *touchwood* and my creative juices have been flowing in full swing. Whatever keeps me creating new stuff everyday definitely makes me happy! But still waiting for my Flying job!

4. Reward yourself more often. Check Just yesterday I was talking about this same thing with someone, saying that I have decided to reward myself more often. I have been shopping for myself steadily over the second half of this year, and maybe spent a bit too much on myself but hell, I love it!

5. Try not getting hurt by what other people say about you. Check+Fail Like I said in point 2. above, it has been difficult to let go. But I have been making a conscious effort at not letting those things affect me. Still need to work on it though!

6. Travel more. Check Traveled to Mussoorie this year for a wedding! Then the numerous Delhi trips, Miami happened, and I know its lame but being a Mumbaikar I only managed to reach Lonavala this year! So a big Check!

7. Manage a Piggy Bank. Check. I have been lousily managing one. But yes I have been managing one and thats what counts :P

8. More Shoes, More Make up! Check People! I have 8 new pairs of shoes and a whole new make up wardrobe! *happy dance*

9. Give up on Aerated Drinks except Soda with a squeeze of Lemon/Sweet Lime. Check I actually have grown over Aerated Drinks except I crave for Cola with Pizza or Butter Chicken.

10. Love the love like you never loved anyone else. Check. Check. Check. I am head over heels in love.

80% ain't bad!! :D I am happy!

Here goes my checklist for 2014:

1. Lose Weight. Get Fit. Build Stamina.

2. Run a Marathon

3. Travel More with Lover.

4. Get a Flying Job.

5. Learn to Let Go

6. Value people who value you.

7. Help the needy.

8. Learn to Listen

9. Write more often

10. Learn a new Language.

Lets see how this goes! Bring it on 2014! 

The Mandatory New Year Checklist post.

First of all, a very happy 2013 to all!

2012 has been one of the better years for me. After feeling lost for over a couple of years, 2012 showed me some direction. Realizations happened, Priorities made their way and made themselves recognized. All I did was go with the flow.

I said that my 2012 began on an amazing note in my last years Checklist post. I spent it with people I loved the most, even if they were miles away and had just made an entrance into the beautiful mess I call my life. The year flew away quicker than expected :) Lets see how I fared on my 2012 Checklist!


1. Must. Get. A. Job. : Well, not quite the job of my dreams, but things did start to move for me. I started baking a lot, got a lot of attention on my food blog Caramel Wings, and people loved what I baked so much that I started taking small time baking orders and did a couple of cooking workshops too. I am still taking some one on one baking classes :) Check.

2. Lose 10 more kilos. : I'll be honest. I lost them, but I put back on. I have not been regular with my gymming thanks to all the cooking workshop run around and with all that food reviewing and eating, I have put on. I did lose inches though. So this one, I will consider a fail.

3. Try to run a Marathon. : Nothing. Fail.

4. Learn a New Language. : Fail too.

5. Buy a new Cellphone. : I actually bought a new cellphone and WON another one this year in a contest! I am now using the Nokia Lumia 800 and I don't care what you guys say, I love it. Check.

6. Buy a new Camera. : I'll say this one is a pass too coz the Nokia Lumia 800 has an amazing 8 MP camera. Check.

7. Be in a LBD ready body. : Not quite. Fail.

8. Buy more shoes. : Bought 4 pairs this year. Not bad! :D Check.

9. Spread Love. : I think I did :) Check.

10. Stay in Love. : I am, I so am. Check.

A 60% is not too bad but I know I could have done better! But with new goals and a newer outlook I now put together my Checklist for 2013!

1. Get fitter, leaner.

2. Think a million times before letting people into your life.

3. Get your dream job.

4. Reward yourself more often. 

5. Try not getting hurt by what other people say about you.

6. Travel more.

7. Manage a Piggy Bank.

8. More Shoes, More Make up!

9. Give up on Aerated Drinks except Soda with a squeeze of Lemon/Sweet Lime. 

10. Love the love like you never loved anyone else. 

What is your Checklist for 2013? And how did you score on your 2012 checklist? :)

Expectation v/s Acceptation

When we are with people we love and/or care about, we tend to do somethings and expect to be taken for granted. We expect them to just let it go. When we're close to someone, we expect them to know how our mind works and how we may or may not have reacted in such and such situation. We expect them to understand us when we are not able to express, we expect them to listen when we just wanna go on and on about nothing. We cannot help it, we just do. It is a part and parcel of every single relationship, be it personal or professional. A boss expects you to work, you expect your boss to pay you the salary. You expect Mom to to make you food when you're young and she expects you to score well in exams. You expect your boyfriend to do a certain set of things, as does he. We have to face it. We cannot help but expect, but what is more difficult, is to accept.

Acceptation is the mother of all bitches. Accepting your significant other as they are, with or without their baggage, now that is the real deal. Accepting that your child is only an average student, is an achievement. Accepting that you have grown up and may as well help Mom out with making meals at home, is a huge step. Accepting your salary coming in 15 days late in bad times is something we have to make do with, and that your employee is a lazy ass is the kind of acceptance a boss has to deal with. Acceptance is the hidden reality in every single relationship, be it personal or professional. We cannot help but expect, but we have do put in a lot of effort to accept. When we're close to someone, we have to accept them for who they are, whether they are the kinds who would go on and on even when we don't wanna listen or never utter a single word when you want them to talk. We have to accept. Because there WILL be expectations. There will be Faux Pas. The real question is, do we want to accept?

When there is acceptance, there will be more expectations. But is the person worth it? Is he or she worth investing into?


I know you are.

Love, thou art a funny, funny thing indeed.

Here’s why I get in trouble time and again, coz I love. I love love and I love to love. Love for me is not something that is between people who are intimately involved or in a relationship or married, but way more than that. I am the kind of person who would also say “I love you” to friends, or just people whom I love.

But with love also comes a certain degree of possessiveness. And that is fine by me as long as it does not result into over possessiveness or obsession. I also get protective and possessive about everyone I love, which is why I have had hard times when my friends started dating guys and I felt like they were ignoring me for no reason. I was a kid back then. Slowly I learned how things worked and worked my way around it.

But this, this was something special. This was love. Every time I said to you that I love you, I got a warm and fuzzy feeling in my heart. I thought it was the same with you. But there I went assuming and I made an ass out of you and me. So when I saw you say “I love you” to her, I died a little inside, and when I saw her say “I love you too” I died a little more.

It’s funny because we’ve been through our share of hard times and eventually reconciled but now its making me feel whether it was just for the heck of it or was it truly because you missed me?

Now when I even think of saying “I Love You” to you, I cringe a little, inside.