Of wishes and hopes and everything else.

2011 has been an interesting year so far. I don't know if it's me who is growing up or whether the world is just more in my face now. I can see so many changes in myself, it's remarkable. Don't know if it is a good thing or a bad thing, but I feel better about myself and about the world so I guess it must be working out for me. Suddenly things which did not matter a lot start making a lot more difference. Like

Hot Pink Pumps
Slutty Red Lipstick
Oh yeah, the Chanel Nail Polish
Dolce Vita Nude High Heels
That Vero Moda Dress
Going for Muesli with Strawberry Milk over Doughnuts for breakfast
Oh, the Skirt I saw at Zara
A Louis Vuitton clutch (First copy would do too, I am not very pricey like that)
All that chunky jewelry
My Kohl, although it stands at the same place as it always did. Right at the top.

Materialism, You may think? I think not. I would settle for something that is not a huge brand. But I did realize the importance of these things. I mean I know I went all out about inner beauty and stuff like that, but if you feel beautiful inside, you gotta make sure you feel beautiful outside too, right?

Why think of something that you would only dream of wearing when you can go ahead and get it? It's mostly about me feeling good for myself. I no longer call women who wear bright red nail polish as sluts. Because I started wearing it too. If you wanna call me a slut for that, go ahead! But it makes me feel good about myself. Why would I want a man telling me how beautiful I am when I know it for a fact myself? So I have decided to go ahead and make doll myself up, for no one else but myself.

Last month I went out and bought a pair of my first ever High Heels. I am not too tall, but I am not short either. 5 feet 7 is a decent height to go with flats OR heels. But I thought to myself, you know what? you need to go ahead and get these pair of heels just because you have always dreamed of it and never really had the courage to try it on coz you felt too conscious. I tried them on, I felt great instantly. The following week I bought them. Best. Decision. Ever.

The next thing I did was to buy me Hot Red Nail paint and a Dark Red Lipstick. I tried it on. I felt good. I did not know I could look so much prettier with a little bit of make up. Now I must clarify myself here, I am still not in favor of cake-like layers of make up on my face. I think I am naturally good looking like that. No concealing needed in that department. A little bit goes a long way, but a little bit of bold goes even longer. So I bought them too. I wore them to a party last week. Best. Decision. Ever.

I bought me some chunky jewelry and decided to make use of my long hair for once by tying them into various hairstyles each day. Not too loud, but people are noticing the difference. More than the people, I am noticing the difference. I am in love with myself, and I fucking love it. The best love is self love, but then again it is like dancing on a sword, you gotta be very careful you do not cross the safe zone or it will end up cutting you.

I try to stay healthy because I love myself. I do not feel like gorging out on junk food anymore. When I do, I go ahead and eat it. But mostly I have been making smart choices when it comes to eating right and living right. Did it affect my weighing scale? Not a lot. Inches? A LOT. Besides, it makes me feel healthier and more motivated.

I think life has taught me many important lessons in the past and I will always use them as my guide towards what not to do and how not to be a major asshole. But the best thing is, since I love myself, I make sure that I am not letting myself down. Do I feel a void? No. Is there a void? Yes. But it doesn't matter. I'll get through it. Let me put on some of that expensive new blush I bought myself and shadow my eyes so that I hide all that behind it. I love myself. I waited for the 6 hours that lasted 45 days, I will wait for the 24 hours which would last 6 months at the same rate. I will wait. Will I be the same? I think not. But I will wait. Let's see how many more materials I stash in my already full closet.

How has everyone been? Has 2011 changed anything for you?