Horns and Halos

I have been inspired to write this poem by my blogger buddy Rag. This one is a response to his poem Alter Halo, and also a sequel to my earlier composition, Transformation.

You wish yourself a lot of things

You wished, had things been alright

You would not ask for a better someone

Nor wish he had never occurred.

You showcased denial; you faced your trial,

Standing in the middle of nowhere you wonder

What went wrong? Why did you falter?

You ignored and avoided his constant voices,

You rendered deaf ears; I know you heard him alright

Why dig your past? You already made your choices.

Why did you not confront the snake that did not bite?

While your sore eyes close; to sleep, awake to nightmares,

He lives his night, Isn’t he the ghost of your sight?

As you wait for a new beginning,

You try erasing your past,

But mind you, it’s all in vain,

He will last as long as you last.

Enter the Angel, I am not the Ghost,

I will not witness, I will warn and try,

Don’t lend me your deaf ear,

For I speak wise, I will brush

Your sore eyes while they fall asleep

To a new world of dreams,

But here is my first warning,

Do not try to kill him now,

Not now, not ever, not till its forever.

For Ghosts, they have no existence,

But they exist where Angels do,

When you accept me into your life,

Make sure you take him too.

As you trot this Globe,

Gather the knowledge of the wise,

And selfishly live your dream,

We will watch you shine,

We shall talk, take you into confidence,

And now again, the choice will be yours.

But remember this now and always,

It is not how hard you get hit in life,

It is how hard you get hit, and still keep going.

P.S. I just could not wait till I posted this one :P I hope you like it Rag!

And yeah, the last two lines are from Rocky Balboa :P I love that movie!

Readers, please do comment on this one :)

Weight and Watch!

After gruesome sessions of dieting, attempting to gym, trying in vain and bouncing back to square one every single time, the battle for losing those extra pounds just seems endless. I have tried everything! From making a diet chart to practicing Yoga to turning Vegetarian to eating less to going for walks and working out in the gym. The bottom line still remains, I am overweight!

Being overweight is something not many people are proud of. The few who say they are proud to be overweight are the ones who have issues deep down inside their minds. I am one of those few. I don't say that I am proud to be overweight, but I say that I am happy the way I am. That is not how it works every time! To list a few things, you tend to "Stand Out" whenever you are in a crowd. Easy to notice. You cannot steal someone's purse and just run away :P And people call you names, if not in front of you then definitely behind your back. The ones who genuinely do not want to tease you, do refer to you at other places like this, " Hey, I had introduced you to my friend right? The Pilot girl, the one who is a little hefty?" Ofcourse they don't intend to hurt your feelings. But that's the way it is! And especially for me, going shopping is some kind of an embarrassment! Although I am not THAT heavy, I have trouble finding clothes of my size because of the disproportionality, especially in India [In the US and Canada 90% of the women are on the heavier side anyway, I come in the slim category there! :P Yay!]. I had gone shopping the other day with my boyfriend, and he coaxed me to have a look at few of the skirts and tops hung up there. I was just looking for my size, when I saw some really pretty tops in the small size section. And I was just checking them out. Maybe I could get something like that stitched for me, I wondered. But the shopkeeper was so rude, he came upto me and said, " Madam, aapke size ke kapde yahaan nahi, vahaan hain!" I was like, " Dekhne ke paise lagte hain kya?" Then he shut up and left. But what an asshole he was! That is why I always get my clothes stitched!

Health wise being overweight is not so cool either. I have been constantly getting remarks on my medical report, every year! And my medical is strict because all flying personnel have to get their medical done from the Indian Airforce Medical Center in New Delhi. So I am always advised to lose weight. They don't even spare the slim looking people for being overweight! [LOL, what an excuse!]. And then there is this whole deal about being lazy! Slim people are lazy too, but the overweight ones are pointed out and called out by names like 'Couch Potato'. I mean What the eff are people thinking?! Oh I forgot to mention about the dirty looks you get when you indulge into eating anything. Be it salad, or biscuits, or deserts, anything! At such point of times, you decide, enough is enough, I will show these people that I can lose weight. You go home and prepare a diet chart and plan out everything. You go shopping for health food and stack up your pantry. You religiously follow your diet for a day or two, and then there are 2 things: [a] You lost a few kilos! and [b] You did not lose any! When [a] happens, you decide to gorge on a piece of your favorite chocolate cake as a celebration [Aah... What the hell, I will make up for the calories I am gaining by eating this indulging piece of chocolate cake, just let me take another bite!] and when [b] happens, you decide to have the piece anyway, maybe even an extra piece! [Oh lord, I can never lose weight, let me just eat and be happy instead of wasting my appetite over stupid health food] :P That is what I call emotional eating!

Alright enough of ranting now, let us look at a more positive aspect. Firstly, size zero looks PATHETIC! Kareena Kapoor looks anorexic! And so do the teenaged models who appear on the covers of Vogue and Ford magazines and model on FTV. And hey, fat at the right areas is a good thing ;) It is way better than skin and bones! And when you're heavy, you're often referred to as 'Cute' and 'Bubbly'. Not only that, research and surveys have shown that the overweight lot of the people are the ones who are more fun loving, jolly, and warm human beins at heart. I personally think, whether you're fat or not, it is the attitude which matters! Even overweight people can make heads turn [in a good way] if they have the ability to dress well, think well and be presentable. It is your personality that counts!

I have been overweight all my life. I am not ugly looking, Not do I look like a football, but yeah I am on the heavier side. I have been facing a lot of music for that. I used to think I was fat all these years, but looking at what I have become now I am thinking, that was healthy and slim what I was before. Just sitting in the cockpit and not working out has made me into a couch potato myself! Thanks to my genetic inheritance my height is pretty alright and I still look balanced. But I don't wanna look ugly in that Pilot's uniform! So I have to lose weight! I wonder how I managed to find guys in my life with all the weight I had on my body :P My boyfriend is after my life to get rid of the weight and I better do, before he dumps me ;) :P.

Well, enough being said now, I pledge to lose weight and get in better shape before I have a job! I will try and maintain my BMI in the optimal and near optimal area. I will try to embrace Ramdev Baba again and do some Yoga too :P One thing which has been helping me in keeping a check on myself is checking my weight regularly, say once in a couple of days. That way I get no shock treatment like I got the last time when I stood on the scale and I had put on 15 kilos! God knows what I was thinking then, lol.

Last but not the least, I just want to say that never judge a book by its cover, you never know what is inside it :) And that is why I love Blogging! Because it is what is inside that matters here!

Another Tag! By Stephen :)

1. Last beverage: Tea
2. Last phone call: Mommy Dearest
3. Last text message: Airtel :|
4. Last song you listened to: Pyaar hame kis mod pe le aaya [Satte Pe Satta]
5. Last time you cried: Last to last week... sometime.

HAVE YOU EVER...
6. Dated someone twice: Yes
7. Been cheated on? Yes
8. Kissed someone & regretted it? Yes!
9. Lost someone special? Many special someones have lost me!
10. Been depressed? Yeah I used to be!
11. Been drunk and threw up? Thankfully not!

LIST FOUR FAVORITE COLORS:
12. Black
13. Blue
14. Grey

HAVE YOU:
15. Made new friends: Yes
16. Fallen out of love: Yes!
17. Laughed until you cried: Yes
18. Met someone who changed you: Yes
19. Found out who your true friends were: Yes
20. Found out someone was talking about you: Yes
21. Kissed anyone on your friend's list: Yes
22. How many people on your friends list do you know in real life: Some of them.
23. How many kids do you want to have: Two
24. Do you have any pets: No :(
25. Do you want to change your name: No
26. What did you do for your last birthday: Spent the day with my boyfriend and cut the cake at 12 01 AM on the next day!
27. What time did you wake up today: 8 AM
28. What were you doing at midnight last night: Drinking it up!
29. Name something you CANNOT wait for : Getting a job!
30. Last time you saw your father: Last Sunday
31. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life: Nothing! It is perfect :)
32. Most visited web page: Gmail

Whats your:
33. Name: Ashrita
34. Nicknames: Ash, Ashri ;)
35. Zodiac sign: Taurus
36. Male or female or transgendered: Female
37. Elementary: C E S
38. School: S C D B H S
39. Colleges: U P G college of Management
40. Hair color: Dark Brown
41. Long or short: Long
42. Height: 5'7 and 1/2"
43. Do you have a crush on someone? Yes
44. Ever been in love? Yes
45. Piercings? 4
46. Tattoos? Yes
47. Righty or lefty: Righty

FIRSTS :
48. First surgery: None
49. First piercing: 1 yr old
50. First best friend: Santoshri Singh
51. First sport you loved: Tennis
52. First pet : Doggy :)
53. First vacation: Singapore!
54. First concert: None
55. First crush: Nitin Patel from class 7

RIGHT NOW:
56. Eating: Nothing
57. Drinking: Scotch!
58. I'm about to: Eat
59. Listening to: Abuses from Ash... Not for me though :P
60. Waiting for: Change!

YOUR FUTURE :
61. Want kids? Yes
62. Want to get married? Yes!
63. Careers in mind? One and only.. To fly :)

WHICH IS BETTER WITH THE OPPOSITE SEX?
64. Lips or eyes: Eyes
65. Hugs or kisses: Kissing while hugging ;)
66. Shorter or taller: Taller
67. Older or Younger: Younger
68. Romantic or spontaneous: Both
69. Nice stomach or nice arms: Nice arms
70. Sensitive or loud: Sensitive
71. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
72. Trouble maker or hesitant: None!

HAVE YOU EVER :
73. Kissed a stranger: Yes. I guess I am the most spoilt one in here!
74. Lost glasses/contacts: Nope
75. Sex on first date: Nope
76. Broken someone's heart: Yes
77. Had your own heart broken: Yes
78. Been arrested: No.. But I did go to jail behind the bars!
79. Turned someone down: Yes
80. Cried when someone died: No
81. Liked a friend that is a girl? YES

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:
81. Yourself: Yes
82. Miracles: Yes
83. God: Yes
84. Love at first sight: No
85. Heaven: Yes
86. Santa Clause: No
87. Kiss on the first date? Yes
88. Angels: Yes..
89. Devils: Yes ;)

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY:
90. Is there one person you want to be with right now? Yes
91. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time? Yes
92. Wanted to kill someone ever? Yes
93. Among you blog mates, whom would you like to kiss? Hmmm... well... I don't know!
94. Committed a blunder and regretted later? Yes
95. Wanted to steal you friend's boyfriend / girlfriend? Naah

Associate with someone you know:
96. White: Utkarsh Soni :-s
97. Black: The shirt which Ash looks the best in :)
98. Pink: The Pink Orchid!
99. Red: Mom

100. Posting this as 100 Truths? YES


Hmmm... I would like to tag QuirkyMon, Dream'R, Nabila, Nikhil and PP!




P.S. I just realized! They have asked for 4 favorite colors, but there are numbers for just three :P And 81. is repeated twice ;) But what the hell... It's all good :D

The Square Root Of Three

I fear that I will always be
A lonely number like root three
A three is all that's good and right,
Why must my three keep out of sight
Beneath a vicious square root sign,
I wish instead I were a nine
For nine could thwart this evil trick,
With just some quick arithmetic
I know I'll never see the sun, as 1.7321
Such is my reality, a sad irrationality
When hark! What is this I see,
Another square root of a three
Has quietly come waltzing by,
Together now we multiply
To form a number we prefer,
Rejoicing as an integer
We break free from our mortal bonds
And with a wave of magic wands
Our square root signs become unglued
And love for me has been renewed.

This is a poem from the movie : Harold and Kumar escape from Guantanamo Bay. I know this is not my original work. But this is very close to my heart :) And it speaks a lot to me, and many many others :) Enjoy!

Transformation

You, you standing right there,

Yes, you wearing the Dark Black dress

And your face covered by long locks and short bangs;

What are you hiding, your eyes with that smudged black Kohl

Smeared all across your white as light face.

You look so tall and healthy but I can sense the shiver

Running through your spine, as you kneel down helplessly

And cry and scream and wonder what went wrong;

Just when you thought you had me all figured out,

I looked pretty simple and straight isn't it?

I saw you suffer from the time you had senses,

I saw you in hurt and despair,

I saw you worry, I saw you hurry

I saw enough, It was time to smile now, my dearest.

For I saw you try, cry, attempting to die,

I saw you losing, losing your belief in me.

You thought you had me figured out then,

I was being ruthless, merciless, making you feel helpless,

Is all what you could think of

But I was just watching, watching your show.

Just when you thought of ending it all,

I started a new beginning,

You reluctantly embraced my shoulder for crying

You cried lakes and rivers and oceans, But

I knew I had to make you smile, shower you with care and concern,

Make you believe in me, make you better.

You did believe, but you went too far,

You thought I was your puppet

You thought you knew the in and out. You thought I was a plan.

It was time now for a reality check.

I am not your friend, I am not your lover,

Nor am I your near or dear one.

But I am there everywhere, whether you need me or not.

For one thing, you can never figure me out.

Taking for granted and being over confident,

Is not what I want of you,

I say this coz you, yes you my dearest, are my puppet.

And I, am a puzzle, waiting to be put together.

There are a million ways, but you need know which one is best,

As I watch you, hit you, shine on you, as your deeds be.

You struggled, you tried,

You got hurt, you cried,

You acquired me, you smiled,

Do you still not know I am a part of you?

I am as a matter of fact you.

And you thought you knew yourself all along,

Isn't this a shock?

But as I hide in your bosom this time,

Don't let go, I won't grant you a quarter.

It is time for change. It is time, for transformation.

P.S. This is a conversation between Life, in person, with the girl.