First Impressions

So how important do you think are first impressions?

With the kind of stuff that has been happening with/around me off late, and all the distances and the splits and separations... It only makes me sit and think about the whole episode of how I met that person and how was the journey all along. But every single time I sit and think about anyone, it just hits me right at the start. "Darn, I should have known, the first thing I noticed about this person WAS this! Still I avoided taking notice of this all along!"... "Oh no, I should have known! this was so obvious when I first met her!"... or "I should have known..."

"I should have known"

"I should have known"

I have always been the kind of person who was non judgmental. I believe in second chances, I believe in letting people speak and I love it when people convince me for something that I have been against. I am not a very open person, but yes, if I do find the comfort zone with you, I will definitely go all along. Most of the people who are close to me did not put up very good first impressions. Life is so unpredictable. But like I said, with the things that have been happening, majority of the people who I have been acquainted with have started to prove me otherwise.

I am still trying to balance myself and get a rough estimate on how much to let these first impressions make an impact on me. But with all the retrospection, I get slapped in the face by introspection. A slap so hard that tells me time and again, you cannot change others for certain, but you can definitely change yourself. Don't trust people too much too soon, all they do is screw your life up because somewhere deep down inside, we all are selfish. And some special people, you do not trust them too soon, but eventually you do, and still they screw you over, coz well, they are still selfish. And then there is another category altogether. No matter how much you try to go away, they just always come around. Maybe coz' they really do care...

I think it's time to take chances again. But I think it is important to keep the first impression scanner on too!

Well I know I completely deviated somewhere in the middle, had a dear diary moment there. But it has been so long that I ranted that I'm actually gonna post this! :P

And yeah, do let me know what impression my writing gives out!

6 hours

The longest 6 hours of my life;
Each second seems like a year, each minute feels like one whole life...
The aching heart and crying soul,
Masked perfectly behind this smile,
Mistaken easily by this superficial world,
Are the twinkles in my eyes.

Can’t you hear my silent screams,
Over the distance that draws us apart?
Can’t you see my real dreams,
With the eyes you have deep in my heart?
Can’t you feel the teardrops on your skin,
In the gravity you hold inside my thoughts?
Can’t you smell the absence too,
I feel incomplete without you...

Life seemed so colourful
You made me feel so beautiful
I was your moon in white
You were my star so bright
I was your apple in green
You were the best there could have ever been
10,000 miles of vacuum
Yet you held me so tight

Now I’m just a lonely mess,
Everything just seems so grey,
I don’t want to, but still I guess,
You’re gone, and all I can do is pray.
Please come back , oh please come back,
For you I would lose all of time’s track...
The longest 6 hours of my life,
Each second seems like a year, each minute feels like one whole life...

Nothing Else Matters

So close, no matter how far
Couldn't be much more from the heart
Forever trusting who we are
And nothing else matters

I can see you, right in front of me. But when I reach out my hand, it just passes through you. Are you even real? To a small child, you're the box of chocolates; to a teenager you're that first crush, to an unemployed man, you're his job; to a workaholic you're that sleep, to an aching soul, you're the peace. I yearn for you, I want you, I need you. I cannot have you. But I know one thing, I'm gonna get you! I have always been so unsure of myself, many times, I tried to run away from it, and now when I embraced it, it just made me so sure about everything. It all just made sense.

.... Glad to be back on Blogger after a long long hibernation phase. Missed you guys tonnes! How have you all been doing? I would be so happy if you drop a holla back! Will start posting soon! :)

Au Revoir, 2009

It's been so long since I last blogged. No, it was not 'writer's block', it was not boredom, it was not that I was busy, it was not that I was off internet, but you know, just did not feel like it. And suddenly today realization dawned upon me and I woke up to the fact that it's been over a year since I have been blogging. Unknowingly, I also did a very good thing in 2008. I started blogging in December, so now it's helping me analyze a lot of stuff as 2010 is knocking on my door.

So since I did not celebrate my Blog-Birthday, I might as well just press the rewind button and share with all you guys, and myself, as to what I learned this year. Here it goes:

- Facebook is way beyond connecting with people. Thanks to Mafia Wars, Cafe World and Sorority Life, I have been finding new means to keep myself motivated and focused :P

- There is a lot more than hard work involved in success. In my case, there needs to be luck, and a lot of weight loss. Increases the brand value, you see :D

- Blogging is about speaking out. At least for me, it is a medium to convey what I think, how I think. Somewhere in the middle I kinda got so lost in pleasing myself and learning new things and in the process I forgot to express myself. Also since blogging is so close to my heart, it affected my thought process too. So anyway, my point is... Be yourself! It's a good feeling.

- There are very few genuine friends you can find. So don't lose the ones whom you have already. And get rid of the bad mangoes before they start spoiling your life too :P

- Friendship has no boundaries. But sometimes, you have to maintain distance anyway.

- Love is tough.

- Keep looking forward.

- Eat to lose weight :P (Very important one)

- Think positive, and believe in yourself.

- I am turning into a woman from a girl now :| So accepting the facts :P

I always look back at the year that passed and wonder how quickly it went by. And I always look forward to enjoying the year that is coming ahead. 2009, not so good. So 2010, you better be better!

Au Revoir, 2009... Good riddance to bad rubbish :D But you made me a better person anyway. So thank you!

Have a very happy 2010 people!

Uh... Happy Diwali...

Hello Everybody,

It's been a while that I have been unable to write anything on my blog. Some call it writer's block, but I needed some time out before I could get back to expressing myself full throttle once again. I hope all of you caught up on a lot of other interesting stuff, which reminds me that I have to go through all the blogs that I follow!

Well, I was thinking of writing something on this blog for over a month, but I was not able to bridge the gap between thinking of writing and actually coming up with something. But this evening, I knew I HAD TO put this up here. Diwali is such a festival, it makes us do things in mysterious ways. Be it re-connecting with people you have been avoiding all year, or totally dumping the balanced diet program for a hearty portion of sweets. Be it meeting your relatives whom you hate from the core of your heart, or text a friend whom you have been maintaining constant distance from, for a long time. Diwali just serves as the perfect excuse.

For most of the people, this festival is all about shopping, and eating, and earning money from various sources, and shopping some more, and bursting crackers, and..... STOP. This is exactly what I want to talk about. Bursting crackers. I used to love bursting crackers as a teenaged girl. I was too scared of them before teenage and once I got the hang of it then there was no stopping me. I would burst all kinds of Rassi Bomb, Fuljhadi, Fountain, Parachute, Gol Chakri, Cylinders, and even those Snakes. I used to light those red crackers up and throw them in the air. What a dare devil!

This year I'm just not feeling the Diwali spirit. For one thing, and the most important one at that, I did not shop for even a single item this Diwali. I did not make a Rangoli, and I was literally man handled so that I would help Mom make sweets this season. But that has more to do with the changes I'm going through from within. I was walking on my building terrace this evening, and I was not listening to music while walking today which forced me to take a look around and notice people bursting crackers. Now they were bursting crackers on the ground floor, which means when they all went up and made all kinds of shapes and patterns, they were about where I was walking - on the 8th floor. Everytime a Cylinder or a Rocket or a Parachute went up, I could see a small black cloud of smoke in the air. I am not even going to the noise department in this post. The bigger the explosion, the bigger the cloud, and the smaller the explosion, the denser this cloud.

I noticed 10 such explosions per minute. This was just in my area. I'm too horrified to imagine how much the number is in my locality, or my city, or my state, and my country. I felt too dizzy and nauseatic in a mere 45 minutes and returned home early today when after Laxmi Poojan my parents forced me to light up a Fuljhadi to "celebrate" Diwali spirit. I was forced to create another cloud of smoke. Don't know what to do... I guess it's just a part of the change I'm going through.

More on that in my next post.

... Uh.. By the way... Happy Diwali to all!

Of Naturopathy, Swine Flu, and the couple who got married thrice.

I don’t think I have blogged so much about myself in a long time. But experiences make it hard to hold back. Sometimes we concentrate so hard on what we want that we tend to look over what we have. Other times we expect so much out of people/situations that we forget to accept the reality. But at all times, all we need is a state of calmness and composition in our mind. The balance is hard to strike, but once you got it, every other thing is just a cakewalk.

Before I drift off anymore, let me get to the point. I visited the ‘Nisargopchar Gramsudhar Trust’ located in a small Taluka called Uruli Kanchan, some 40 km east of Pune. This Ashram was founded by Mr. M K Gandhi, and they follow his principles at the ashram till date. I went to this place to get myself some change. Life was getting too monotonous. Besides, there is this constant quest of weight loss with people like me, so I could actually use this change for my benefit instead of getting wasted and putting on a few extra pounds. I had high hopes, since this was my second visit and I had managed to lose 7 good kilos in 15 days flat, the first time I had been there. And this time I had planned to stay for a month.

So what this place is basically about is to live as simply as you can, and spend some time with yourself. It is a very good place for people who are looking for a spa/detox treatment within a budget. It is like the mecca for people who want to lose weight. A normal day at the ashram begins at 5 AM in the morning, where you wake up and after your morning chores they hold classes for yoga as per the age group of people. Usually people below 50 years of age get to go to the 6:15 AM batch, so they can sleep for some more time :P After yoga, everyone is given a special herbal concoction which consists of herbs like Tulsi, Neem, Mulethi etc etc. mixed with jaggery and hot milk [It tastes exactly like Bournvita], after which the treatments follow.

The treatment starts with an Enema, where they cleanse your stomach by putting a small pipe in your ‘behind’ and adding saline water. It completely cleans your intestines and digestive system and makes you feel light. This is done twice a week. Then follows a massage, the masseurs/masseuses’ are specially trained to give you a nice body toning massage. Then there is steam treatment and Kati treatment, where you have to immerse half of your body in hot/cold water. This is a great way to increase circulation of blood in the lower body and it is a great way to cure all the diseases/disorders of the lower body. They also provide a mud pack for the body every day. After all this, we need to take a bath and then follows lunch [without masala/salt] in fixed quantity at 10:30 AM. After lunch, they provide a mud eye pack, which we need to keep on our eyes and have a nap of about 3 hours.

At 3 PM they repeat the herbal tea again, after which people go out for walks/exercises, and dinner follows at 5:30PM. Mostly people are asked to stay on fruits for dinner. After a few hours of recreation, there is silence after 9:30 PM when you’re required to sleep.

Life is not an airplane, where you have to plan everything ahead of time and be prepared for any kind of malfunction/mishap. Even airplanes fail to follow this principle when life decides to show its importance, just like the recent AF447 incident where even the latest new gen aircraft could not withstand saving the lives of all the people aboard. And I made this huge mistake of planning things ahead of time. I was unwell. Please don’t ask me what happened, but I was really very weak. Of the whole routine I mentioned above, all I did was to take the mud eye pack every day for a month. My health was so bad that I was advised complete bed rest and I could not even walk. I ate well, twice a day, and I lost some kilos, but still, I was next to immobile. I would feel very weak if I even walked.

As a result of all this, I had a lot of time to kill. I had promised myself that I would remain off internet, so I made some new acquaintances [Even though I am a very reserved person. I have very few friends and I hardly talk]. Some of them turned into friends, others into foes. I feel very proud to say that my friend circle consists of people from all age groups. From 15 to 78. I met my eldest friends here at the Ashram. I got to learn a lot from people here. The main thing was, how could such a simple thing called ‘being overweight’ affect people adversely in ways we can never even imagine. I met overweight people who were so troubled inside, and I also met people who knew that overweight people feel somewhat deprived inside and therefore they are easy to take advantage of. It’s very sad. I met people from different cultures, different professions, right from students to people right at the top. And I must admit that somewhere I grew wiser than I was before. Atleast something good came out of my one month at the ashram :P

After a taste of the good and bad, I moved to Pune to experience the ugly. I had some simulator flying to do, and I was so much into the ashram zone that I was in some la la land. I needed a reality check. I needed to get back to my cockpit thinking. I kept telling myself, ‘come on, think fast, faster.. You got to be ahead of that plane!’ After a week of bombarding from my tutor, I finally got back to my cockpit zone, but sadly my classes got over. Every day when I went to my classes from my apartment, a couple on this hoarding mocked at me. They were sitting in front of agni in the picture. All decked up and getting married. The hoarding was of Mayfair Banquets, and it said, ‘Believe it or not, now a wedding package including everything for 200 people in 2.99 lakhs only! No conditions apply’ And I don’t know why but that couple would keep mocking at me every single day with the most plastic smile on this planet.

Pune is a good city, but when something goes wrong, it has to go wrong all the way for me. Which means, if I have a bad time at my simulator, I cannot even go out shopping, coz’ there’s a Swine Flu outbreak in the city! Arrghh.. “Oh, so now I have to wear an overpriced mask and look all mysterious to everyone else around me, take medicines for precaution, and stay away from restaurants [after a month of salt-less and masala-less food] and away from malls [after a month of seclusion and a daily dose of ‘Beta, you’re doping again, come on, pay attention!!!’]” That was it, I was going crazy. And when I go crazy, I start looking at the upside of every ‘shituation’. So the upside here was that due to high alerts in Pune city to stay away from crowd, every one stayed at home so all malls were empty. Even better was the happiness sale on all brands in Central Mall. 51% off. It was a steal! I went to the mall with my friend, and we had such an amazing time shopping… It lifted our spirits completely! Thanks to Swine Flu no one went shopping, and I got lucky!

Just when I started to have fun in Pune, I had to return to Mumbai, and we decided to come by road. And just when we reached Bandra, there stood the same couple, in the same pose, mocking at me again, asking me to be prepared for another bombarding, but this time the hoarding said ‘”Life Insurance Corporation of India”. I started preparing mentally for something bad to happen. And then followed all the comments and complaints of me not losing weight at all in a month.. ‘Oh my, you still look the same!’…’You are useless, what’s the use of spending so much on you?’…’ Oh you look like you have put on some more weight’… ‘So did you actually go to the ashram or you went out to meet someone else?’…. ‘You lost weight? How much? It’s not visible at all!’… were some of the most common comments I had to bear. Everyone at my house had flu. I was the only one who was perfectly in the mint of my health. Not for long…

Just a couple of days in Mumbai, and now I am in Goa, spending time with my family. After we landed in Goa, we had to take a 3 hour drive down south to reach my place. And no points for guessing whom I met on the way – The same couple! Another warning… This time the hoarding read ‘Tanishq, we make memories’. Now what?... Well, the flu has struck me too! Sore throat, fever, cold, cough, weakness, and swelling. So while everyone else is out there enjoying themselves, I am sitting in a room and blogging about my bad health at a speed half of my normal speed since I am busy coughing every minute. I hope I get well soon! I know this was long, but I am glad I spat it all out!

Jibber Jabber

Hello Everyone,

So finally, I am back, after a break longer than anticipated. I do not know whether I should be happy or sad about the fact that I did not miss blogging at all. But now that I am back, I wish I was blogging for all this time when I was away.

I had been to this Nature Cure Ashram in the outskirts of Pune city. I have been there before, but this time around I went there for some peace and quiet, away from the city, closer to nature and exploring myself.

The outing was good, but I have started to believe more strongly in the ‘Never plan anything’ story. The new location was a welcome change, but everything else went unplanned. Bad health [in a nature ‘cure’ center] and worse company kept my mind ticking and all I could do was think and think some more. There went my ‘peace and quiet’ down the drain!

After a hectic month of bed rest, I moved to Pune for a couple of weeks. And in those 14 days I realized that my mind and body are completely not in sync with each other. When I need peace and quiet, I think all day and stay on bed rest. And when I need to exercise my mind and think at the spur of the moment, I just go blank. But I have all the stamina in this world for some more shopping and some more roaming around. All I did was meaningless Jibber Jabber where I was supposed to stay attentive while studying.

All in all, it was a fun time I had. I learnt many new things. But this is just a little comeback post, just to let all of you know what I have been upto. Please refrain from reading my blog if you’re looking for some sensible and solved pieces. Coz’ all that’s coming up is some more Jibber Jabber!

Yes,I now believe in love at first sight.

Hey Everyone,

So I finally went out of my house yesterday for lunch with my family. It was a pleasant change, and the food was yummy. The only bad thing was that my week long healthy nutrition program went for a toss in one day flat :P But one day is alright, I am back on track today! Yesterday seemed pretty different right from the time I woke up. I woke up at 0930hrs, and my 'early riser' dad was still in his bed! When we were having lunch, we received a whole bottle of sparkling wine, compliments from the crew at the hotel. But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

We were returning back home from the hotel, and our car halted at a busy signal on the way. I was full, and lazy, and all I could see was my bed on which I wanted to crash as soon as I returned back home. But then my vision was interrupted. I saw this young girl, sitting on the road divider. She was about 7-8 years old. She was dark, slim, pretty tall for her age, and she wore a mens shirt and a pair of torn shorts. But the most catchy feature were her eyes. They had a million stories to tell. They were huge, jet black, and wet. She was sobbing, and was looking straight into my eyes. I was instantly mesmerized. I tried to look away, thinking it's just another trick. But I could not help noticing that the poor child had hurt her knee and people were just walking past her. She was bleeding.

I tried to look away again, but I had goosebumps on my hands. I could not stop myself from getting attracted towards those beautiful eyes. The next moment I realized I had opened the door and was walking towards her. And I turned back, my dad and my bro were stunned looking at me because the signal lights had turned green when I was walking towards her. Anyway, so I went to her and just gave her a hug. I had nothing to nurse her wound, it was not bleeding a lot either, so I cleaned it with the bottle of water I had in my purse and put a band aid on it. I gave her my small pack of tic tac, and I asked her what her name was. She promptly said, "Mera naam Lakshmi hai." and she had this 440 volts smile on her face. I, on the contrary had tears in my eyes.

I told her I had to go because my car was waiting and asked her to take care of herself. I ran back to the car which was hastily parked at the roadside and quickly got inside and closed the door. And there we were in the traffic again, but the next 2 minutes before the signal started were spent in waving at Lakshmi and listening to "You are a crazy girl" talks from my brother and dad, because I just zoomed out of the car without looking at the traffic. When the signal started, Lakshmi was yelling on top of her voice! "Thank you Didi.. Bye Bye Didi!"... It was so sweet!

I came back home and had a very sound and content nap last afternoon. Especially because I made someone smile. And now, I do believe that people can fall in love at the very first sight! I wish I had more time so I could click a picture of her eyes, but I will definitely go back to that signal and look for her this week. Those are the most beautiful eyes I have ever come across. I love you, Lakshmi! :)

Celebrating Monsoon - Love

It has been raining steadily for the whole last week. And it's about time I celebrate the next aspect of rain. The previous one was Inspiration, and this one is Love. Love is incomplete without rains, and rains are incomplete without love. The sweet smell of love and the freshness of the moist air captures our hearts and triggers a beautiful emotion somewhere deep inside. Anyone in love will have a special something to share about rains. Be it with their partner, or even alone.

People have shared beautiful moments associated with rains and the weather, right from sitting by the window to having piping hot "bhajiya" or "pakore" with tea, to taking bike rides or long drives with their loved one, splashing water on each other in the rainy puddles, or even just walking in the rain with an umbrella in the hand but not really using it as a means for covering yourself in the rain, but as an excuse to be sticking close to the one they love. Recently, I even heard from a friend who is happily married that they took the huge decision of standing by each other forever when the whole family was against them and they had met for the last time to call it off, but it rained heavily, and that rain completely changed who they are today to who they could have been today. In my case, it's just looking at the sky pouring down on me and just the feeling of the raindrops on my body makes me feel loved.

If I am speaking of rain, and love, and dedicating a song to all of you, I cannot forget the classic which wins my heart over everytime I listen to it and makes me fall in love all over again every time I watch it. Do watch the video, you will not regret it. Celebrating love this monsoon, bollywood style!

Pyaar Hua Ikraar Hua
Movie: Shree 420 (1955)
Singers: Manna Dey and Lata Mangeshkar

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil - 2
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil -2

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil

Kaho ki apni preet ka geet na badlega kabhi
Tum bhi kaho is raah ka meet na badlega kabhi
Pyaar jo toota, saath jo chhoota
Chaand na chamkega kabhi

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil
Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil

Raatein dason dishaaon se kahengi apni kahaaniyaan
Geet hamaare pyaar ke dohraayegi jawaaniyaan
Main na rahoongi, tum na rahoge
Phir bhi rahengi nishaaniyaan

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil -2
Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil

.....

Here's the video:






Have fun people! And do share your special moments associated with monsoon :) If not share, cherish them for sure! :P

The world is mixing!

I love Russell Peters. I know people form opinions about him and some of them really hate him saying he is a racist person etc., but I find him very funny and he is one of the greatest comedians of these times. Yeah maybe some of us cannot stand his jokes, because they might be related to us in some way to us. Anyway, so he had said in one of his shows that, ‘The world is mixing’. He actually concluded that part saying that in the future everyone is going to be a strange mixture of Indian and Chinese people :P And recently, I have come to realize that it’s coming true. The change has begun.

Let me start this way. I hate the kind of people who try to show that they’re above everything else. They would be working in NYC, but they would try to be more Indian than Mr. M.K. Gandhi. Of course, they’re just posing. So there is this guy I knew some 7 years ago. I remember him now because he is a junior of one of my close friends and they study at the same university in the US. And well recently I found out that we have common friends [an acquaintance for him] too. Now since my friend mentioned him, I got this whole flashback of the times when I knew him. He is still like what he was 7 years ago.

This guy was trying to ask me out back at that time. It was all in vain, I was seeing someone else. Back then he used to lecture me as to how stupid he thought people [Indians] were, when they used terms like ‘dating’ and ‘seeing each other’. He used to find it totally un-cool. He used to think we are copying the west. Now my friend told me that he still inquires about me, as in who am I going out with etc. and he still thinks the same way. He says that, Indians try to ‘act’ cool by embracing the western culture [and failing at it miserably] and they just show their cheapness by using words like ‘dating’, and ‘seeing each other’ and ‘proposing’. These are the kind of people I hate in particular.




What I would like to convey to him, and all the other people who think alike, is that first of all it is none of your business what am I up to. Secondly, how does it matter if I, or anyone else, not just Indian, but Nepali, Pakistani, Puerto Rican, Italian, Scottish [or any person coming from anywhere else in the world except from the US of A] consider dating? Or even if we don’t then what is your problem in that? Now if you were so Indian yourself, you would not be asking me out 6 years ago, when you were 20 and I was 15! And my friend even mentioned him trying to eye on this girl at the university today. How fake can people be!

And he brags about being Indian. About Indian arranged marriages and culture. There is a unbelievable count of extra marital affairs in these marriages. And what is wrong with dating anyway? Why can’t two people just enjoy the courtship period. I think it is way better to be dating than marrying a complete stranger and then finding out that you are totally incompatible even if your ‘kundli’ says so. Tomorrow even if I do go for an arranged marriage, I would actually make sure that we are compatible before I even say a yes. In short, I will date him before marriage. No one can do anything about it. That’s just how I am :P And another thing, dating does not mean getting physical all the time. People really need to understand that.

Since I have already mentioned so much, I think this post would be incomplete without mentioning live-in relationships. Live-in relationships are becoming more and more popular by the day in India. That does not necessarily mean we are copying the west. It just makes sense to the people who are into it. They are not a menace to this society just because they live together while they’re unmarried. Most of these couples are very responsible individuals who want to make the right choice.

Lastly, I would like to end this post by saying that whether Indian or American, whether Straight or Gay or Bisexual, whether Hindu or Muslim, everyone has the right to make a choice, and live happily. They are not answerable to anyone and no one has the right to pass any judgment about them. It’s a way of life. We need to accept it. The world is really mixing now. Love is really above all odds.

Love can only be created, not destroyed. It can be converted from one form to the other. The total amount of love in this universe will increase exponentially in the proportion of the rate of spread of love.

:)

I don’t know why I posted this :P maybe I was just angry at that guy.. haha. Oh yeah, and do watch the 'world is mixing' video above :D