Apr 9, 2014

The nose hair that never grew back.

Image Credit: Google Search Images

Ever heard the patent song of the character Phoebe Buffay from the popular TV series FRIENDS?

Smelly Cat, Sme-ll-y Cat,
What are they feeding you?
Smelly Cat, Smme-lllll-y Cat,
Its not your fault...

Except it is. Phoebe could take it. I cannot.

Lets face it, we have all been through that stage in life where someone told us that we stank. Some of us felt bad about it, went home and cried, took offense and never spoke to those people again. Some of us took offense, never spoke to those people again but decided to shave our armpits and invest in a deodorant so no one could ever say that to us again. Some of us are so paranoid that we never travel without mints or chewing gum or some kind of mouth freshener. But some, and I hope that there are not many of this kind, they ignore it and continue to stink the place up. Yes, the story I am about to tell you is real. It is about my nose hair that I lost forever.

My nose hair had a beautiful childhood. It was mainly filled with many a delicious fragrances, right from the mind awakening fragrant tadka, or the refreshing shampoo fragrances. Sure, there were instances where the nose hair had to bear the smell of garbage and other wastes, rotten fruits and vegetables, smelling peoples sweat from a distance and guessing who it was, among other things. My unsuspecting nose hair thought it had seen it all.

Excited about being an almost 20-something, me and my nose hair left for Canada and were all set to face life with the 'YOLO' attitude. We learned the smell of success, the smell of failure, smell of burned food, unwashed laundry, living alone and keeping it clean. Then we met my roommate, 'P'. P changed my nose hairs' life forever.

Imagine the smell that puts you off the most. Then multiply it by 10. That would be the smell of P passing by from the distance of 10 meters from you. I am not even exaggerating. My nose hair was awake like it was on crack. I could feel it in my nose. We assured each other that we could do this. We were wrong.

Imagine the smell that I described before, masked by the cheapest 'scent' you can find. I say 'scent' because they are sold on roads and cheap shops as duplicates of the original stuff, and somehow accentuate the body odour. I think I just threw up a little in my mouth. At this point my throat and innards joined the party with my nose hair. I think I had a Migraine for 3-4 months during those days.

Now imagine the smell masked by the scent, along with a really strong breath odour. I am talking the-green-coloured-smoke-from-cartoons-associated-with-garbage-or-rotten-things strong. People stopped talking to her. No one wanted to be her friend. I convinced my nose hair that we are good people and should talk to her about it. She laughed it off in denial and said she did not smell anything. Stunned, we left.

P started hating me and I moved to the couch outside our room for the sake of my nose hair. I would secretly wash her laundry, and replace her soap with extra strong scented body wash. I even bought her a new deodorant, parfum and the strongest breath mints available in the market. Winters were the most difficult times, as we could not keep windows open with all the snow, and had to rely on vents for air. My nose hair had reduced to half by that point.

One fine day P was sitting next to a guy in class, and happened to just raise her hand to ask a question. The monsters of her armpit directly released on to the poor boy and he threw up in class. He was so mad at her that he told her even Skunks smell better. She cried a lot that day. I convinced my nose hair (for the last time) that she needed a hug. My nose hair completely melted that day. I never spoke to her again, and my nose hair never grew back.

I guess what I am trying to say is that nose hair are more important than we would imagine. You must never let your nose hair down. You have an involuntary relationship with them. Just for that sake, please, I beg you all to bathe. Bathe at least once, daily. You don't wanna be like this guy:

As for P, she moved on, got a really good job. The stinky tales still make their rounds. I do not miss her, but I will never forget that stench in my life. I hope she found the right deodorant for herself.

This post was written for the IndiBlogger.com contest #WhatsThatSmellBoss in association with Racold Thermo Ltd. You can check out their Facebook page here.