Dec 30, 2009

Au Revoir, 2009


It's been so long since I last blogged. No, it was not 'writer's block', it was not boredom, it was not that I was busy, it was not that I was off internet, but you know, just did not feel like it. And suddenly today realization dawned upon me and I woke up to the fact that it's been over a year since I have been blogging. Unknowingly, I also did a very good thing in 2008. I started blogging in December, so now it's helping me analyze a lot of stuff as 2010 is knocking on my door.

So since I did not celebrate my Blog-Birthday, I might as well just press the rewind button and share with all you guys, and myself, as to what I learned this year. Here it goes:

- Facebook is way beyond connecting with people. Thanks to Mafia Wars, Cafe World and Sorority Life, I have been finding new means to keep myself motivated and focused :P

- There is a lot more than hard work involved in success. In my case, there needs to be luck, and a lot of weight loss. Increases the brand value, you see :D

- Blogging is about speaking out. At least for me, it is a medium to convey what I think, how I think. Somewhere in the middle I kinda got so lost in pleasing myself and learning new things and in the process I forgot to express myself. Also since blogging is so close to my heart, it affected my thought process too. So anyway, my point is... Be yourself! It's a good feeling.

- There are very few genuine friends you can find. So don't lose the ones whom you have already. And get rid of the bad mangoes before they start spoiling your life too :P

- Friendship has no boundaries. But sometimes, you have to maintain distance anyway.

- Love is tough.

- Keep looking forward.

- Eat to lose weight :P (Very important one)

- Think positive, and believe in yourself.

- I am turning into a woman from a girl now :| So accepting the facts :P

I always look back at the year that passed and wonder how quickly it went by. And I always look forward to enjoying the year that is coming ahead. 2009, not so good. So 2010, you better be better!

Au Revoir, 2009... Good riddance to bad rubbish :D But you made me a better person anyway. So thank you!

Have a very happy 2010 people!

Oct 17, 2009

Uh... Happy Diwali...


Hello Everybody,

It's been a while that I have been unable to write anything on my blog. Some call it writer's block, but I needed some time out before I could get back to expressing myself full throttle once again. I hope all of you caught up on a lot of other interesting stuff, which reminds me that I have to go through all the blogs that I follow!

Well, I was thinking of writing something on this blog for over a month, but I was not able to bridge the gap between thinking of writing and actually coming up with something. But this evening, I knew I HAD TO put this up here. Diwali is such a festival, it makes us do things in mysterious ways. Be it re-connecting with people you have been avoiding all year, or totally dumping the balanced diet program for a hearty portion of sweets. Be it meeting your relatives whom you hate from the core of your heart, or text a friend whom you have been maintaining constant distance from, for a long time. Diwali just serves as the perfect excuse.

For most of the people, this festival is all about shopping, and eating, and earning money from various sources, and shopping some more, and bursting crackers, and..... STOP. This is exactly what I want to talk about. Bursting crackers. I used to love bursting crackers as a teenaged girl. I was too scared of them before teenage and once I got the hang of it then there was no stopping me. I would burst all kinds of Rassi Bomb, Fuljhadi, Fountain, Parachute, Gol Chakri, Cylinders, and even those Snakes. I used to light those red crackers up and throw them in the air. What a dare devil!

This year I'm just not feeling the Diwali spirit. For one thing, and the most important one at that, I did not shop for even a single item this Diwali. I did not make a Rangoli, and I was literally man handled so that I would help Mom make sweets this season. But that has more to do with the changes I'm going through from within. I was walking on my building terrace this evening, and I was not listening to music while walking today which forced me to take a look around and notice people bursting crackers. Now they were bursting crackers on the ground floor, which means when they all went up and made all kinds of shapes and patterns, they were about where I was walking - on the 8th floor. Everytime a Cylinder or a Rocket or a Parachute went up, I could see a small black cloud of smoke in the air. I am not even going to the noise department in this post. The bigger the explosion, the bigger the cloud, and the smaller the explosion, the denser this cloud.

I noticed 10 such explosions per minute. This was just in my area. I'm too horrified to imagine how much the number is in my locality, or my city, or my state, and my country. I felt too dizzy and nauseatic in a mere 45 minutes and returned home early today when after Laxmi Poojan my parents forced me to light up a Fuljhadi to "celebrate" Diwali spirit. I was forced to create another cloud of smoke. Don't know what to do... I guess it's just a part of the change I'm going through.

More on that in my next post.

... Uh.. By the way... Happy Diwali to all!

Aug 25, 2009

Of Naturopathy, Swine Flu, and the couple who got married thrice.





I don’t think I have blogged so much about myself in a long time. But experiences make it hard to hold back. Sometimes we concentrate so hard on what we want that we tend to look over what we have. Other times we expect so much out of people/situations that we forget to accept the reality. But at all times, all we need is a state of calmness and composition in our mind. The balance is hard to strike, but once you got it, every other thing is just a cakewalk.

Before I drift off anymore, let me get to the point. I visited the ‘Nisargopchar Gramsudhar Trust’ located in a small Taluka called Uruli Kanchan, some 40 km east of Pune. This Ashram was founded by Mr. M K Gandhi, and they follow his principles at the ashram till date. I went to this place to get myself some change. Life was getting too monotonous. Besides, there is this constant quest of weight loss with people like me, so I could actually use this change for my benefit instead of getting wasted and putting on a few extra pounds. I had high hopes, since this was my second visit and I had managed to lose 7 good kilos in 15 days flat, the first time I had been there. And this time I had planned to stay for a month.

So what this place is basically about is to live as simply as you can, and spend some time with yourself. It is a very good place for people who are looking for a spa/detox treatment within a budget. It is like the mecca for people who want to lose weight. A normal day at the ashram begins at 5 AM in the morning, where you wake up and after your morning chores they hold classes for yoga as per the age group of people. Usually people below 50 years of age get to go to the 6:15 AM batch, so they can sleep for some more time :P After yoga, everyone is given a special herbal concoction which consists of herbs like Tulsi, Neem, Mulethi etc etc. mixed with jaggery and hot milk [It tastes exactly like Bournvita], after which the treatments follow.

The treatment starts with an Enema, where they cleanse your stomach by putting a small pipe in your ‘behind’ and adding saline water. It completely cleans your intestines and digestive system and makes you feel light. This is done twice a week. Then follows a massage, the masseurs/masseuses’ are specially trained to give you a nice body toning massage. Then there is steam treatment and Kati treatment, where you have to immerse half of your body in hot/cold water. This is a great way to increase circulation of blood in the lower body and it is a great way to cure all the diseases/disorders of the lower body. They also provide a mud pack for the body every day. After all this, we need to take a bath and then follows lunch [without masala/salt] in fixed quantity at 10:30 AM. After lunch, they provide a mud eye pack, which we need to keep on our eyes and have a nap of about 3 hours.

At 3 PM they repeat the herbal tea again, after which people go out for walks/exercises, and dinner follows at 5:30PM. Mostly people are asked to stay on fruits for dinner. After a few hours of recreation, there is silence after 9:30 PM when you’re required to sleep.

Life is not an airplane, where you have to plan everything ahead of time and be prepared for any kind of malfunction/mishap. Even airplanes fail to follow this principle when life decides to show its importance, just like the recent AF447 incident where even the latest new gen aircraft could not withstand saving the lives of all the people aboard. And I made this huge mistake of planning things ahead of time. I was unwell. Please don’t ask me what happened, but I was really very weak. Of the whole routine I mentioned above, all I did was to take the mud eye pack every day for a month. My health was so bad that I was advised complete bed rest and I could not even walk. I ate well, twice a day, and I lost some kilos, but still, I was next to immobile. I would feel very weak if I even walked.

As a result of all this, I had a lot of time to kill. I had promised myself that I would remain off internet, so I made some new acquaintances [Even though I am a very reserved person. I have very few friends and I hardly talk]. Some of them turned into friends, others into foes. I feel very proud to say that my friend circle consists of people from all age groups. From 15 to 78. I met my eldest friends here at the Ashram. I got to learn a lot from people here. The main thing was, how could such a simple thing called ‘being overweight’ affect people adversely in ways we can never even imagine. I met overweight people who were so troubled inside, and I also met people who knew that overweight people feel somewhat deprived inside and therefore they are easy to take advantage of. It’s very sad. I met people from different cultures, different professions, right from students to people right at the top. And I must admit that somewhere I grew wiser than I was before. Atleast something good came out of my one month at the ashram :P

After a taste of the good and bad, I moved to Pune to experience the ugly. I had some simulator flying to do, and I was so much into the ashram zone that I was in some la la land. I needed a reality check. I needed to get back to my cockpit thinking. I kept telling myself, ‘come on, think fast, faster.. You got to be ahead of that plane!’ After a week of bombarding from my tutor, I finally got back to my cockpit zone, but sadly my classes got over. Every day when I went to my classes from my apartment, a couple on this hoarding mocked at me. They were sitting in front of agni in the picture. All decked up and getting married. The hoarding was of Mayfair Banquets, and it said, ‘Believe it or not, now a wedding package including everything for 200 people in 2.99 lakhs only! No conditions apply’ And I don’t know why but that couple would keep mocking at me every single day with the most plastic smile on this planet.

Pune is a good city, but when something goes wrong, it has to go wrong all the way for me. Which means, if I have a bad time at my simulator, I cannot even go out shopping, coz’ there’s a Swine Flu outbreak in the city! Arrghh.. “Oh, so now I have to wear an overpriced mask and look all mysterious to everyone else around me, take medicines for precaution, and stay away from restaurants [after a month of salt-less and masala-less food] and away from malls [after a month of seclusion and a daily dose of ‘Beta, you’re doping again, come on, pay attention!!!’]” That was it, I was going crazy. And when I go crazy, I start looking at the upside of every ‘shituation’. So the upside here was that due to high alerts in Pune city to stay away from crowd, every one stayed at home so all malls were empty. Even better was the happiness sale on all brands in Central Mall. 51% off. It was a steal! I went to the mall with my friend, and we had such an amazing time shopping… It lifted our spirits completely! Thanks to Swine Flu no one went shopping, and I got lucky!

Just when I started to have fun in Pune, I had to return to Mumbai, and we decided to come by road. And just when we reached Bandra, there stood the same couple, in the same pose, mocking at me again, asking me to be prepared for another bombarding, but this time the hoarding said ‘”Life Insurance Corporation of India”. I started preparing mentally for something bad to happen. And then followed all the comments and complaints of me not losing weight at all in a month.. ‘Oh my, you still look the same!’…’You are useless, what’s the use of spending so much on you?’…’ Oh you look like you have put on some more weight’… ‘So did you actually go to the ashram or you went out to meet someone else?’…. ‘You lost weight? How much? It’s not visible at all!’… were some of the most common comments I had to bear. Everyone at my house had flu. I was the only one who was perfectly in the mint of my health. Not for long…

Just a couple of days in Mumbai, and now I am in Goa, spending time with my family. After we landed in Goa, we had to take a 3 hour drive down south to reach my place. And no points for guessing whom I met on the way – The same couple! Another warning… This time the hoarding read ‘Tanishq, we make memories’. Now what?... Well, the flu has struck me too! Sore throat, fever, cold, cough, weakness, and swelling. So while everyone else is out there enjoying themselves, I am sitting in a room and blogging about my bad health at a speed half of my normal speed since I am busy coughing every minute. I hope I get well soon! I know this was long, but I am glad I spat it all out!


Aug 23, 2009

Jibber Jabber

Hello Everyone,

So finally, I am back, after a break longer than anticipated. I do not know whether I should be happy or sad about the fact that I did not miss blogging at all. But now that I am back, I wish I was blogging for all this time when I was away.

I had been to this Nature Cure Ashram in the outskirts of Pune city. I have been there before, but this time around I went there for some peace and quiet, away from the city, closer to nature and exploring myself.

The outing was good, but I have started to believe more strongly in the ‘Never plan anything’ story. The new location was a welcome change, but everything else went unplanned. Bad health [in a nature ‘cure’ center] and worse company kept my mind ticking and all I could do was think and think some more. There went my ‘peace and quiet’ down the drain!

After a hectic month of bed rest, I moved to Pune for a couple of weeks. And in those 14 days I realized that my mind and body are completely not in sync with each other. When I need peace and quiet, I think all day and stay on bed rest. And when I need to exercise my mind and think at the spur of the moment, I just go blank. But I have all the stamina in this world for some more shopping and some more roaming around. All I did was meaningless Jibber Jabber where I was supposed to stay attentive while studying.

All in all, it was a fun time I had. I learnt many new things. But this is just a little comeback post, just to let all of you know what I have been upto. Please refrain from reading my blog if you’re looking for some sensible and solved pieces. Coz’ all that’s coming up is some more Jibber Jabber!

Jul 6, 2009

Yes,I now believe in love at first sight.


Hey Everyone,

So I finally went out of my house yesterday for lunch with my family. It was a pleasant change, and the food was yummy. The only bad thing was that my week long healthy nutrition program went for a toss in one day flat :P But one day is alright, I am back on track today! Yesterday seemed pretty different right from the time I woke up. I woke up at 0930hrs, and my 'early riser' dad was still in his bed! When we were having lunch, we received a whole bottle of sparkling wine, compliments from the crew at the hotel. But that's not what I'm here to talk about.

We were returning back home from the hotel, and our car halted at a busy signal on the way. I was full, and lazy, and all I could see was my bed on which I wanted to crash as soon as I returned back home. But then my vision was interrupted. I saw this young girl, sitting on the road divider. She was about 7-8 years old. She was dark, slim, pretty tall for her age, and she wore a mens shirt and a pair of torn shorts. But the most catchy feature were her eyes. They had a million stories to tell. They were huge, jet black, and wet. She was sobbing, and was looking straight into my eyes. I was instantly mesmerized. I tried to look away, thinking it's just another trick. But I could not help noticing that the poor child had hurt her knee and people were just walking past her. She was bleeding.

I tried to look away again, but I had goosebumps on my hands. I could not stop myself from getting attracted towards those beautiful eyes. The next moment I realized I had opened the door and was walking towards her. And I turned back, my dad and my bro were stunned looking at me because the signal lights had turned green when I was walking towards her. Anyway, so I went to her and just gave her a hug. I had nothing to nurse her wound, it was not bleeding a lot either, so I cleaned it with the bottle of water I had in my purse and put a band aid on it. I gave her my small pack of tic tac, and I asked her what her name was. She promptly said, "Mera naam Lakshmi hai." and she had this 440 volts smile on her face. I, on the contrary had tears in my eyes.

I told her I had to go because my car was waiting and asked her to take care of herself. I ran back to the car which was hastily parked at the roadside and quickly got inside and closed the door. And there we were in the traffic again, but the next 2 minutes before the signal started were spent in waving at Lakshmi and listening to "You are a crazy girl" talks from my brother and dad, because I just zoomed out of the car without looking at the traffic. When the signal started, Lakshmi was yelling on top of her voice! "Thank you Didi.. Bye Bye Didi!"... It was so sweet!

I came back home and had a very sound and content nap last afternoon. Especially because I made someone smile. And now, I do believe that people can fall in love at the very first sight! I wish I had more time so I could click a picture of her eyes, but I will definitely go back to that signal and look for her this week. Those are the most beautiful eyes I have ever come across. I love you, Lakshmi! :)



Jul 4, 2009

Celebrating Monsoon - Love


It has been raining steadily for the whole last week. And it's about time I celebrate the next aspect of rain. The previous one was Inspiration, and this one is Love. Love is incomplete without rains, and rains are incomplete without love. The sweet smell of love and the freshness of the moist air captures our hearts and triggers a beautiful emotion somewhere deep inside. Anyone in love will have a special something to share about rains. Be it with their partner, or even alone.

People have shared beautiful moments associated with rains and the weather, right from sitting by the window to having piping hot "bhajiya" or "pakore" with tea, to taking bike rides or long drives with their loved one, splashing water on each other in the rainy puddles, or even just walking in the rain with an umbrella in the hand but not really using it as a means for covering yourself in the rain, but as an excuse to be sticking close to the one they love. Recently, I even heard from a friend who is happily married that they took the huge decision of standing by each other forever when the whole family was against them and they had met for the last time to call it off, but it rained heavily, and that rain completely changed who they are today to who they could have been today. In my case, it's just looking at the sky pouring down on me and just the feeling of the raindrops on my body makes me feel loved.

If I am speaking of rain, and love, and dedicating a song to all of you, I cannot forget the classic which wins my heart over everytime I listen to it and makes me fall in love all over again every time I watch it. Do watch the video, you will not regret it. Celebrating love this monsoon, bollywood style!

Pyaar Hua Ikraar Hua
Movie: Shree 420 (1955)
Singers: Manna Dey and Lata Mangeshkar


Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil - 2
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil -2

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil

Kaho ki apni preet ka geet na badlega kabhi
Tum bhi kaho is raah ka meet na badlega kabhi
Pyaar jo toota, saath jo chhoota
Chaand na chamkega kabhi

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil
Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil

Raatein dason dishaaon se kahengi apni kahaaniyaan
Geet hamaare pyaar ke dohraayegi jawaaniyaan
Main na rahoongi, tum na rahoge
Phir bhi rahengi nishaaniyaan

Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil
Kehta hai dil rasta mushkil maaloom nahi hai kahaan manzil -2
Pyaar hua ikraar hua hai pyaar se phir kyun darta hai dil

.....

Here's the video:






Have fun people! And do share your special moments associated with monsoon :) If not share, cherish them for sure! :P

Jul 1, 2009

The world is mixing!



I love Russell Peters. I know people form opinions about him and some of them really hate him saying he is a racist person etc., but I find him very funny and he is one of the greatest comedians of these times. Yeah maybe some of us cannot stand his jokes, because they might be related to us in some way to us. Anyway, so he had said in one of his shows that, ‘The world is mixing’. He actually concluded that part saying that in the future everyone is going to be a strange mixture of Indian and Chinese people :P And recently, I have come to realize that it’s coming true. The change has begun.

Let me start this way. I hate the kind of people who try to show that they’re above everything else. They would be working in NYC, but they would try to be more Indian than Mr. M.K. Gandhi. Of course, they’re just posing. So there is this guy I knew some 7 years ago. I remember him now because he is a junior of one of my close friends and they study at the same university in the US. And well recently I found out that we have common friends [an acquaintance for him] too. Now since my friend mentioned him, I got this whole flashback of the times when I knew him. He is still like what he was 7 years ago.

This guy was trying to ask me out back at that time. It was all in vain, I was seeing someone else. Back then he used to lecture me as to how stupid he thought people [Indians] were, when they used terms like ‘dating’ and ‘seeing each other’. He used to find it totally un-cool. He used to think we are copying the west. Now my friend told me that he still inquires about me, as in who am I going out with etc. and he still thinks the same way. He says that, Indians try to ‘act’ cool by embracing the western culture [and failing at it miserably] and they just show their cheapness by using words like ‘dating’, and ‘seeing each other’ and ‘proposing’. These are the kind of people I hate in particular.




What I would like to convey to him, and all the other people who think alike, is that first of all it is none of your business what am I up to. Secondly, how does it matter if I, or anyone else, not just Indian, but Nepali, Pakistani, Puerto Rican, Italian, Scottish [or any person coming from anywhere else in the world except from the US of A] consider dating? Or even if we don’t then what is your problem in that? Now if you were so Indian yourself, you would not be asking me out 6 years ago, when you were 20 and I was 15! And my friend even mentioned him trying to eye on this girl at the university today. How fake can people be!

And he brags about being Indian. About Indian arranged marriages and culture. There is a unbelievable count of extra marital affairs in these marriages. And what is wrong with dating anyway? Why can’t two people just enjoy the courtship period. I think it is way better to be dating than marrying a complete stranger and then finding out that you are totally incompatible even if your ‘kundli’ says so. Tomorrow even if I do go for an arranged marriage, I would actually make sure that we are compatible before I even say a yes. In short, I will date him before marriage. No one can do anything about it. That’s just how I am :P And another thing, dating does not mean getting physical all the time. People really need to understand that.

Since I have already mentioned so much, I think this post would be incomplete without mentioning live-in relationships. Live-in relationships are becoming more and more popular by the day in India. That does not necessarily mean we are copying the west. It just makes sense to the people who are into it. They are not a menace to this society just because they live together while they’re unmarried. Most of these couples are very responsible individuals who want to make the right choice.

Lastly, I would like to end this post by saying that whether Indian or American, whether Straight or Gay or Bisexual, whether Hindu or Muslim, everyone has the right to make a choice, and live happily. They are not answerable to anyone and no one has the right to pass any judgment about them. It’s a way of life. We need to accept it. The world is really mixing now. Love is really above all odds.

Love can only be created, not destroyed. It can be converted from one form to the other. The total amount of love in this universe will increase exponentially in the proportion of the rate of spread of love.

:)

I don’t know why I posted this :P maybe I was just angry at that guy.. haha. Oh yeah, and do watch the 'world is mixing' video above :D



Jun 26, 2009

The sky is crying today...


I woke up this morning to a shock. MJ no more. I was bathing when my brother pounded the door of the bathroom to give me the news. I was shocked! MJ no more! What? And then, I cried. [It's very unusual for me considering the fact that I never wept even one single tear when people in my family expired one after the other] No MJ! Are you really gone?...

It's very difficult for me to type all this out. On one hand I HAVE to blog about this. And on the other hand my brother is playing MJ songs on the music system. This is very very difficult...


...You never said goodbye
Someone tell me why
Did you have to go
And leave my world so cold...

[You are not alone]

Michael Jackson songs have virtually shaped my life.. My childhood, my teenage, the first CD I ever bought was "The Best Of MJ". It had 2 parts. And the 2 cd's played all the time. I remember when MJ had come to India. I was 9 years old that time, and I used to live very close to the Sports Complex in Mumbai, where his concert was held. My elder brother was a die hard fan of MJ. He was cool 'coz he listened to english songs. He told me and my 5 yr old brother all about it. He used to train us to dance like MJ. It was so much fun! And then, on the day when the concert was to happen, all 3 of us stood on the building terrace, and saw the chopper fly right above us. We were so excited! Jumping, screaming, running, dancing... And the chopper had actually stopped at one spot between our building and sports complex. We actually thought it stopped so MJ could wave at us. Those were the days!

And then we watched it all Live on TV. MJ landed on the stage in a "Spacecraft" and then he came out and gave the best performace I have ever seen of anyone in my entire life. We had recorded it all on a video cassette. All the noise, the blood rush, ladies fainting, enter ambulance, the policemen, every thing. And after the concert was over, the 3 of us played the video cassette in slow motion every single evening, after we returned from school, and practiced all those moves. We never got the moonwalk right, except for my bro who did it almost like that!

That was just the beginning of a love affair. The love affair with pop music. The love affair with a superstar. When I was 13, I still remember, my elder cousin sister had gone to the extent of cutting her wrist with a compass needle to carve "MJ" inside a heart. The carvings on the wall of the terrace of my old building, nothing can erase them. They're still there. I will always love you MJ.

Yeah, so what if he was accused of all the wrong things? So what if he did get into all that? We all make mistakes! He was punished so much because he was so good at heart. The man who shot his documentary actually frauded MJ and released it on worldwide TV. MJ had trusted him. Isn't that wrong? But that doesn't matter. Nothing matters. 'Coz MJ is no more :(

... I used to dream
I used to glance beyond the stars
Now I don't know where we are
Although I know we've drifted far ...

[Earth Song]

I love you MJ, We love you, Mumbai loves you, and I am sure India does too... And Mumbai skies are crying 'coz we have lost you today. Rest In Peace. This is not the end. You will stay in the millions and trillions and gazillions of hearts of people like us all around the world.


Jun 24, 2009

Celebrating Monsoon :)


Hello Everyone!

Well, so finally, the monsoons are here! They have announced themselves with thunders, heavy showers and drizzles in Mumbai. Within a week or two, they should be covering the whole of India.. I guess. I really wanted to post something related to rains. But then I read a couple of posts in the last 2 days and the mood with this rainfall seems to be more sad and depressing as opposed to being relieving and happy [considering that hot summer this year].

It rained heavily in Mumbai this afternoon, and I had my lunch sitting by the window, and it was a treat. To all the 5 senses. I could see the rain fall, I could hear the showers, smell the wet ground, taste the freshness [literally! plus there was food too :|] and feel the rain drops on my skin. An added one or two treats, there was this ultimate relaxing feeling, a twinkle in my eyes, and an automatic smile for someone special. Bliss.

I will be celebrating the monsoon of 2009 on Memoirs. Rains, and the various moods. I will try not to get to the hurtful and depressing part. Many bloggers are taking care of that department very well. And hey, if anything from my side makes any one of you smile, I will be the happiest person :)

I tried to write a poem. I did manage to complete one too. But nothing, nothing can express the relationship between raindrops and life better than a song, which was playing on my laptop continuously for about an hour. I am also adding the video here, because the girl with the honeybee costume in the video is a source of inspiration for me, and if it inspires me, it can inspire any one and every one. I would love it if you watch it! So here I dedicate this song to each one of you... Happy Monsoon!

No Rain - By Blind Melon

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
I like watchin' the puddles gather rain
And all I can do is just pour some tea for two
And speak my point of view but it's not sane, its not sane

I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

And I don't understand why I sleep all day
And I start to complain that there's no rain
And all I can do is read a book to stay awake
It rips my life away but its a great escape...escape...escape

All I can say is that my life is pretty plain
You don't like my point of view
Ya think that I'm insane
It's not sane... It's not sane

I just want someone to say to me
I'll always be there when you wake
Ya know I'd like to keep my cheeks dry today
So stay with me and I'll have it made

......

Heres the video:



Nanana... I love this song! Whenever I feel low and I listen to this, I am up and running in no time. I feel bad that I neglected this song so much, hence it has made it's place on my desktop now! :P




Jun 23, 2009

Parlez-vous anglais?


Hello Everyone,

I have been meaning to blog about this for a long time now. But I always held back because I didn't want to hurt anyone's feelings. But I have to do it, because since I am not blogging a lot, I read a lot, and sometimes what I read, is well... Let's just say it's difficult to sum up within the boundaries of words.

The following post is meant just for fun. No hard feelings anyone, and please, please correct me if I am wrong. Here it goes:

Blogville is full of talent. Some blogs have changed my life, the way I think, and made me a better person. Personally, I started blogging because I wanted to write, read, and improve my vocabulary and learn new things. I think I have been steadily accomplishing all of that.

I know of people who have studied in vernacular mediums right from their childhoods but they speak very fluent English. I also know of people who have studied in English medium and convent schools right from their childhood but cannot speak and/or write basic English. And these are the people who hate to admit that they make mistakes :P I mean, it's okay if it's a typo. And hey, I make mistakes too! Every one does. But if you correct me, I won't feel belittled by you and would be very happy to admit that I am wrong if you prove me wrong.

[ Psst.. I have a really tough time spelling these 2 words: "achieve" and "maintenance" :P ]

Let me get straight to the point:

- "I didn't knew/went" and "I didn't told/said" is wrong English. It's always "I didn't know/go" and "I didn't say/tell". You cannot use two consecutive words in past tense like that, even if you're talking of things in the past.

- "I said her to do this" is wrong English. "I told her/I asked her to do this" is correct.

- It's not "A Umbrella". It's "An Umbrella". Read this, and you will know what I'm talking about.

- BTW is By The Way. It's not Between. I have seen so many people use this! At one point of time I actually felt that I was wrong. Click here if you want to know more about this and more about these abreviations and what they stand for.

- You never "ride" a car, and never "drive" a plane or bike. You "drive" a car, you "ride" a bike, you "fly" a plane.

There are a few more things like... "Using The Beginning Letter Of Every Word In A Sentence As A Capital Letter". That is okay for titles etc. But actually, to each his own. Some people like it, some don't. Its' personal choice. I really don't know whether it's right or wrong.

Let me stop this list here for now.

Another interesting thing I have observed is that some people with extremely good vocabulary commit these hineous crimes of grammatical errors. The vocabulary v/s grammar match is a very close call, and in my case, a person with a mediocre vocabulary with the right grammar wins anyday over a person with an extra ordinary vocabulary with grammatical errors. I was telling someone the other day, that these grammatical errors just break the beautiful string of words that you build with your vocabulary, from a readers point of view.

I have nothing against anyone whatsoever. But I personally believe that blogging in itself is an experience of growth and expression, and learning is a part of it. 90% of the blogs I read are written by the author keeping their readers in mind. Hardly do I come across bloggers who actually write what they feel, when they feel, how they feel, irrespective of the people who read them. Readership is just a consequence of your writing. Comments are just an added bonus. That doesn't mean I hate comments :P Everyone is welcome to read my blog and put their view forward. Healthy discussions are a part of growth. I am proud to have some of the best readers on my blog, who really read the post completely and comment whole heartedly.

I have to admit that I have been overdosing myself in poetry too. An overdose of Acrostics to be specific. Eversince I started with acrostics, I am finding it difficult to get out of that box. I love the style of poetry, but not so much that I lose my ability to compose normal poetry itself. Speaking of Acrostics, I have to also specify that I have been reading an awfully large number of these poetries in the past week. Seems like I am not the only one going through the Isolated with Acrostics phase, aye! ;) Oh and while I'm at that, I also have to admit that I find poetry with simple words which is straightforward more easy to understand than a string of complicated words which are difficult to understand and perceive in the picture of poetic imagination [Remember? I am learning :P]. And I don't feel any bad while I'm admitting that.

I really don't mean to hurt anyones feelings, directly or indirectly, with this post. But if any of you relates to any of the things I mentioned above, I will take it as a successful expression from my side. And if you feel hurt, I am very very sorry! But I don't think I would take these words back.

To Err.. is just human! No one is perfect :)

....


Phew, I really need to stop preaching!





Jun 14, 2009

Celebrating Love with my 50th post :)


Hello Everyone :)

On my 50th post I want to dedicate this song to all those who have ever been in love, are in love, and will be in love, and to all their special someones!

Brad Paisley - Then.
[You know it's dedicated to you :)]

I remember, trying not to stare the night that I first met you
You had me mesmerized
And three weeks later, in the front porch light
taking forty-five minutes to kiss goodnight
I hadn't told you yet
but I thought I loved you then

Chorus

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

And i remember, taking you back to right where I first met you,
You were so surprised
There were people around, but I didn't care
Got down on one knee right there once again,
I thought I loved you then

Chorus

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
Like a river meets the sea,
stronger than it's ever been.
We've come so far since that day
And I thought I loved you then

I could just see you, with a baby on the way
And I could just see you, when your hair is turning gray
What I can't see is how I'm ever gonna love you more
But I've said that before

And now you're my whole life
now you're my whole world
I just can't believe the way I feel about you, girl
We'll look back someday, at this moment that we're in
And I'll look at you and say
And I thought I loved you then
And I thought I loved you then

:)

Never fall in love, always rise with it :D

Jun 10, 2009

Dead and Gone...



I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight.....


Lately I have been approached by a couple of my old friends from school, they are my close friends. They say, I have changed. From what I was before. It's a drastic difference in how I have been behaving in this span of 4 years. I agree with them. But does friendship change?

I was a complete "Filmy Character" till I was 18 years old. I used to talk a lot [endlessly], trust people too easily, love people unconditionally, expect a lot from everyone around me, and blame things a lot on every body else. My life was like an open book. I used to live in a reel life world, where I am running in a dark forest, when a knight in shining armor comes to rescue me on his white horse and then takes me away on a land far, far away.. I used to imagine myself in every movie that I watched that time. Every single movie. I used to even dress in loud tacky ways with temporary tattoos on each arm [One with a cupid and the other with a heart]. Sigh.. Those were the days when I could just be as stupid as I liked. And ofcourse, friendship back then was like.. Sharing everything! Right from the sizes of our everything to how many times we went to the loo to every thing about our love lives. Those were the days!

And then, I went away from home, away from friends, at a land far,far away, hoping to find my prince charming there, with a million dreams in my eyes. Enter the real life. I got a smack on my head every single day. I learnt new things. I had to "judge" people now. I had to worry about right and wrong all of a sudden. Most of all, I had to be responsible now. I still tried to be the same one, trusting every one, caring for every one, loving every one, and letting every one know every thing about me. But well, I learnt what life is in a very very hard way. I learnt, I lived, I coped up, and eventually I got good at it. It is what I am now.

In the 4 years that I was away, I spoke to my friends back in India a handful of times, and according to me, it was the same old conversation, atleast from my side, and it felt like we had spoken just yesterday. I spoke and spoke and spoke, but I could feel the reluctance in their voices, wanting to say things but not being able to, just because I was calling from a long distance. Ah well, inspite of me asking, the answer was always, "Everything is fine".

I got back to India last June, as a changed person, and I have been having trouble adjusting eversince. I am still adjusting with every thing around me. Especially friendships. I have stopped socialising. One reason is because I love being alone, second being that I will feel left alone in a crowd. After a lot of coaxing [from their side] I met my close friends last November. It was just like before [from my side again] and we spoke endlessly. The reply from the opposite end was still "Everything is fine".

Oh hey, I've been travelin' on this road too long
Just tryin' to find my way back home
But the old me's dead and gone
Dead and gone

After 6 months, I come to know that there was nothing fine. Things were harshly wrong with this friend of mine. I think she decided herself that it was time that she stopped sharing stuff with her old buddies. We just stood amazed and wondering, as she threw bombs of shocking realities one after the other on us. I thought that things were supposed to be the same.. But they weren't. Nonetheless, we thought this was the incident that would bridge the gap between us and things would be hunky dorie again.

Now, I receive a call, last month, and my friend [the same one] says that I am not the same anymore. She thinks I have changed. She thinks I hide stuff. She thinks I don't tell her things. Really? What were you doing wandering on the streets last night in Mumbai all alone all night, when you told me you would be reaching home? Why did you tell me that you wanted to meet me, when really you wanted an excuse to meet someone else? Is this your friendship? Really? And I have changed...?


......I turn my head to the east, I don't see nobody by my side
I turn my head to the west, still nobody in sight
So I turn my head to the north, swallow that pill that they call pride
That old me's dead and gone but the new me will be alright...


... I love this song.



Friendship is nothing less than a Love affair, and a Love affair is nothing more than friendship.
-As said by the great Satans Darling

Jun 2, 2009

AF 447 - This is going to be a long one!


I am in a state of minor confusion right now. I don’t know what to think or feel. On one hand there are feelings of ecstasy, excitement and happiness and on the other end there is shock, sympathy and devastation. But after numerous attempts to write about this topic yesterday, I am finally going for it now, hereby taking the side of the shock and sympathy.

I have been constantly following the news since last evening, and I was shocked to hear that an Air France Airbus 330 flight, AF447, flying from Rio-De-Janerio to Paris, carrying 228 people on board including 12 crewmembers, 1 infant and 5 children, went missing. Now I know that I am related to this news in a slightly more important way than usual people, but when I shared this news with some of my friends online, they were least bothered about it. I mean they were like, “Oh, yeah.. okay…” and one of them even made fun of it by saying that the airplane was lost in the “Bermuda Airangle”. Well I have nothing against them, but it could strike anyone, anytime and anywhere, and people should really start to know what’s going on around them. If you don’t know what happened, you might as well Google it and get some information before you read this post.

Like I mentioned earlier, I am related to this incident/accident [I don’t know what to call it yet since they found no dead body, but death is inevitable in this case] in a slightly different way. While the whole missing theory was being shouted over and over on the news and internet, I was thinking of what might have happened. I am not an airline pilot yet, but I will try to speak about it from whatever little I know about airplanes and weather. Firstly, I am so glad that it did not happen in India. And I say that because the French government handled the situation pretty well at that time by setting up a different cell for the relatives of all the people aboard the flight and took care of them and made them as comfortable as possible.

I was watching news when they said that the flight had been missing for over 4 hours, and that the SAR [ Search and Rescue] operations had begun. Military planes from France, Brazil, and even Britain began searching for the airplane. News officials said, the plane must have been struck by lightning. Now first of all, this plane is said to have been flying well over 40,000 feet above mean sea level, and this is the height above the Earth’s Tropopause [All the weather phenomena occurs in the Troposphere which is of the order 40,000 feet to 45,000 feet depending on the time of the year.] and rarely any adverse weather occurs there. And also, airplanes are designed to withstand forces of lightning in their structural design and it is not easy to knock out a huge Airbus 330 just like that. So I would like to dismiss the lightning theory there itself. But yes, at high altitudes there is CAT [Clear Air Turbulence] and it cannot be detected by weather radars installed on the airplane.

Then there were reports that the airplane transmitted a short circuit message 4 hours and 14 minutes after it had taken off from Rio, just before disappearing. They were predicting that the aircraft must have undergone electrical malfunction. So for all of you who do not know, an airliner would never run an airplane these days without a backup system. And A330 is a modern generation aircraft fitted with several electrical systems. In a case of complete failure, there is a last backup system called the RAM rise system which runs purely on air pressure and keeps the instruments working.

The route of the flight was over the Atlantic Ocean, and it is difficult to have ATC facilities there, besides there is no low level air traffic over an ocean so there are radar services provided to airplanes for flying these kinds of routes. These are like imaginary rings extending at a high altitude level which provide radar services to the pilot. Also, the vertical and lateral flight profile of the plane is tracked automatically and fed to the nearest ATC operators so that they can track the flight. The plane is reported to have been flying smoothly before the electric malfunction. So I believe that there was no engine failure or so. I earlier mentioned that there are rings of radars at high altitudes to track the airplanes, and the radar has tracked this plane diving abruptly and then going missing somewhere over the Atlantic. Now anything with wings, even a paper airplane that we make, cannot just sink below this way. If it has wings, there will be aerodynamic forces acting on it which will make the airplane glide. Even without an engine. If this plane sank abruptly, it probably would have undergone an explosion. Or even more accountable would be a structural loss, say a wing or an elevator. Although the A330 is a new airplane, this particular aircraft [which was just 4 years old: in service since April 2005] had last been serviced in April 2008. It could have been a technical malfunction too.




The French government has been ruling out possibilities of terrorism. I ask, why not terrorism? There could be a bomb on board too! How can you just rule such possibilities out?
Another interesting thing I observed is that, the route of this flight passes through the Inter Tropical Convergence Zone [ITCZ], where the tropics meet and the winds change drastically. This area is known for violent thunderstorms and really strong winds. So maybe the plane came under one of the thunder clouds, and got pushed down drastically in what we call a down draught.

Now, if any of you follow the Air Crash Investigates on Discovery, then there is an episode about loss of cabin pressure. If you guys don’t know about it, read this [Helios Flight ZU522, 14th August 2005]. The same could have happened in the case of this flight too! Of course followed by other malfunctions too. Maybe everyone was unconscious and that is why the ATC must not have received any signal from the Pilots! I am just trying to analyze the situation from my point of view. I could be wrong. But I am wondering what went wrong!

Nothing can be investigated till the Black Box of the aircraft is found, which in this case, will be somewhere on the bed of the ocean, approximately 300 meters under water. And it must be in a pretty good condition since it is designed to withstand very heavy forces. The latest I heard was that another pilot of another airline spotted “Orange Spots” over the Atlantic, just after the plane had disappeared. The French Air Force team is being said to have sighted wreckage 650km (390 miles) north-east of Brazil's Fernando do Noronha island. I hope they find the Black Box soon.
The purpose of this post was to tell all my readers to not fear or dread airplane journeys. The rate of an air accident is 1 as compared to 10,000 accidents on road. And anyway, whatever has to happen, will happen. That does not mean you stop traveling by air. I know many people who stopped air travel, especially in US and Canada, after the 9/11 story and I have been trying to convince them too.




I offer serious and heartfelt condolences to all the people who are even remotely connected to this incident. I am really feeling devastated. May the souls of all the people who lost their lives, rest in peace. For them, this was probably the journey back home to their loved ones, maybe for some it was a trip to Paris, for someone it was visiting friends and relatives, and some of them were just at work. I have been shedding tears on and off, looking at the worried friends and relatives at the Charles de Gaulle airport in Paris.




Jun 1, 2009

10 things about me

So well, this was saved in drafts for a long time and I decided to post it since it was making my post count 50 but was not visible since it was in drafts :P

10 things about me:

1. I love cooking. That explains why I love eating :D

2. I value friendship a lot. I hate traitors. That explains why I find it difficult to trust people.

3. I am very reserved. That explains why whenever I make friends, they are friends for life.

4. I drink less water when I am outside. That explains why I don't like using public convenience :P

5. I cry a lot. That explains the secret of my watery eyes :D

6. I brush twice a day. That explains why my smile is my asset.

7. I have colored my hair 7 times. That explains why I went berserk when I was away from home.

8. I love traveling. That explains my profession.

9. I cannot speak a lot on phone. That explains why not many people call me.

10. I love to be alone, and that explains my silence.


I had to mention 10, I guess I doubled it :P



Feel free to do it on your blog :D I tag every one!

May 31, 2009

So how do you choose to live your life?


Hello Everyone,

I have been experiencing a lot of negativity around me in the last few days, that includes me too. People are sad, mad, bad, disappointed and full of problems! They're so full of problems themselves that it's very difficult for them to hide behind the fake smile [Yes, I notice that]. And most of these problems have a common point of origin. Ourselves. If we look into ourselves we will find all the cause for how what went wrong. Now that does not mean we start fretting and taking a whole Earth's load on our shoulders, it needs to be handled with care, because many of us get so busy in taking care of others that we forget taking care of our own fragile self. I cannot ask each one of you whats wrong, I don't wanna invade your privacy. Besides, I know you're trying to avoid interaction by keeping your guards up. But I would like to share how some people [including me] deal with issues. It might not help entirely, but if you think of it practically, it might just change your thinking a little bit.

Let me start with myself [I don't spare anyone :P]. I am not exaggerating, but I am a perfect example of "been there done that". Everything that can go wrong in ones life, every mistake that one could ever make, I have done most of it. And I have been sad, mad, and bad too. But in due time, I only realized one thing at the end of each incident. Live your life to the fullest!

I have a million things to tell. I could have done what Kajal did in her blog, say things to each one anonymously. But I have already done that non anonymously in my diary :P So I will just pen down some general thoughts. A guide to live life to the fullest :D

  • Love yourself - Unless you do that, you will never be happy!
  • Love others - Spread love. If you love people, they will love you back. If they don't, they can go die.
  • Have an ambition. Set your goals. Work towards them
  • Accept and Embrace people- No one's gonna change for you, and you shouldn't change for anyone either! [Unless it's a good change]
  • Strike a balance between your mind and heart. Do not mix the two!
  • Accept death. If you know you're gonna die, you will be more motivated while living your life :P Don't be scared!
  • Don't fear change. Change is an important part of life. Learn to adjust.[But don't let people take you for granted!]
  • True friends are important. They always know what is best for you.
  • Learn to let go of things. Life goes on...
  • Try new things in life.
  • Be adventurous!
  • Keep that smile on :)
  • Take out some time off for yourself atleast once in the day.
  • Go traveling alone sometime! Explore...
  • Have a control over yourself. [Money wise, Mind wise and Heart wise :P]
  • Meditate to have mental peace.
  • Remain fit so you can enjoy your life even more and live ailment-free. Take up a sport!
  • Party with friends once in a while!
  • Write a diary, note down things you would wanna look back to when you grow old.
  • You don't wanna feel you missed out on something in life. You have just one life. Live it to the fullest!
Well, during this week I got the news that three of my friends [they know who they are :), not all of them are friends], are on their way to get married.. And I was thinking, mera number bhi jald hi aa jayega! So I have set some goals I wanna acheive or I will not get married :P I'm gonna travel a lot, find new places, explore new cultures and experience a different life in the next couple of years. :)

So what are your plans?! Do you want to live that tension filled life full of worries, or you wanna join me in the Live Life King [or Queen] Size movement? :P

May 30, 2009

Of Me and Pigeons...


Pigeons… [Sigh]…

Wikipedia says, “Pigeons are stout-bodied birds with short necks and short slender bills with a fleshy cere. The species commonly referred to just as the "pigeon" is the feral Rock Pigeon, common in many cities”. Well, these are the ones that have made my life miserable! Most of you who read any of my tags must be wondering, why do I always mention Pigeons in anything that I post about myself? Especially when I talk about hatred or fear. Well here are the answers to all the questions and wonderings:

Pigeons for me are like… The most irritating living organisms. They are so ugly, actually forget about ugly, that is the way that God made them, that is individual preference. But they are so dumb! I have seen them going round and round… Rotating around themselves for a whole day continuously! And to top it all off, they are super duper pricey! I mean, they just fly into our house [without permission. But it is ok because they are dumb] and they just sit anywhere, they fly here and there without caring about running fans on the ceilings. And when you try to hit them or throw hot water near them to shoo them away, they come back again! They are so stupid, they just flap their wings in that irritating fashion and I just cannot take that noise. Oh how can I forget their Ghutar Ghutar… The worst sound in this world. And I am not scared of admitting that I suffer from Liviaphobia [That is what I found when I googled fear of Rock Pigeons].

Why I hate them so much? Well there are a few incidents. The first one was when I was 8 years old, but I still remember it all so vividly, because it is one of those incidents which haunt you for the rest of your life. Well so I was playing downstairs with all the other kids, and back then we did not have a playground so we used to play “Pakda Pakdi” around the building. And I was being chased, so I was running full speed, I remember I had a good lead too… And I turned around for one second to see how far the boy who had been chasing me was, and right at that moment my leg fell into this small bucket which was lying in my way. Instantly I felt something biting my leg, and when I looked down it was a Pigeon! And it was flapping its wings rapidly and biting the hell out of me. Oh my God, I was so scared… I still remember. The watchman had to come and save me! I cried so much! L

The second incident was once when I was napping in the afternoon time at my place, and I had the best dream. I was 12 years old that time, and I used to watch a lot of WWE. My hard crush was The Rock [Dwayne Johnson] and I was dreaming about him! In the dream I was witnessing his match with Triple H for the WWE title [It was WWF back then] and The Rock won hands down. Then he asked me out on a date and took me to a seashore in his arms and there was a table where we were to have dinner. So we sat facing each other and gazed into each other’s eyes, and then suddenly he picked up a knife and started stabbing into my palm really rapidly! I was crying for help and I woke up from my dream just to find out an ugly Pigeon dancing on my palm. I was so irritated! I had screamed my lungs out that time!

Since then, I am petrified of Pigeons! They have such an adverse effect on my life… I cannot sleep till late in the morning, because in my house especially in New Delhi we don’t have grills, and my Boyfriend refuses to have any! And at about 8 30 AM every single day they just fly into the house and invade the whole room! Not to forget their loud Ghutar Ghutar which echoes in the whole house. Even if I sleep at say 5 AM, I have a recurrent alarm tuned everyday for 8 AM when I wake up and close the windows. I have forgotten how it is like to stand at the window, because even if a Pigeon flies at a distance of say 1 meter, I start screaming and yelling like a woman who has been possessed by some Aatma! And it is all so uncalled for, I have scared all the people around by this behavior and I have almost stopped socializing because of this! My boyfriend is so unhappy living with me because I don’t let him sleep either! What is more, I have been named “The girl who is scared of Pigeons.”

I hope someday I am able to conquer this fear of mine because I think it is extremely shameful for a girl whose profession itself is based in the sky. I am not scared of anything else! Be it Lizards, Cockroaches, Crows [I Love them!] or even Vultures, Seagulls or Eagles. It is just these Pigeons! But, at the end of the day they are nature’s creation too, so I have to respect them. But one day…. “Somebody gonna get a hurt real bad…!!”


May 28, 2009

Expressive Silence


Empowered by plasticity;
Xeroxing the same smile on my face,
People wonder how could I be so perfect,
Realize they don't, such is not the case.
Empowered by ease;
Silence rests under this smile,
Still people fail to notice, but
It was her, she took shorter than a while.
Vortices of unsaid nothings-
Explosive silence, when our eyes met,

Soul sisters were a bookish concept,
In no time our eyes were wet.
Loud was this silence,
Ecstasy- no better it could get.
Never, My Soul Sister, had I experienced such a
Chaotic silence, The most
Expressive Silence.


When I thought of writing a guest post for Ms.R, I thought there was nothing better I could do than attempt an acrostic poem :P
It's an honor to know a woman who can dish out a masterpiece every time she starts to write something! May you have many more thousands of posts to come!
The perfect explanation for the poem is in the paragraph after Tan's poem below.

I wish Ms.R all the success and luck in here life,
God bless you and CM ji too :)
Love
Ashrita.

Cross-Posted @ Expressive Silence

May 27, 2009

A Comeback Question...


Hello Everyone!

Well, it feels like returning home after a long, long gap of staying away. Just like I felt when I had returned back home after 2 years from abroad. It made me happy, but there was still a lack of confidence and a feeling of awkwardness. And it is more or less the same right now. I think I'm gonna wait till I come up with some good prose for the blog as I have some "getting-used-to-bloggging-again" to do. But it feels great to be back! I missed all of you...

I was just thinking of posting something when I thought why not start the first interactive post on my blog! So here I go...

Whenever you look back at your past, do you feel that you shouldn't have done something this way or that way? Or you felt like a total ass for doing something which makes you feel stupid and embarrassed now?

I feel so all the time! I always find some room for improvement in everything I ever did. But that's just me. It's not like I go out of the way with my thoughts but then I just feel that it would have been better if it was perfect. Either way, I had to settle with behaving like that at that particular time!

Well, I would love to share some incidents with all of you... Like just few weeks ago I went grocery shopping for my "diet" and I bought so much of stuff... And I swore I was going to stick to the program. One week later while throwing the spoilt Watermelon in the dustbin I thought, "What the hell was I thinking buying all this stuff when I knew I wasn't gonna stick to the program?!"

This is just one incident. I have tonnes!

But I guess all of us go through this phase many times in our lives. I would love to hear about it from all of you! Do tell us how you feel about this, and if you put in some incidents and experiences too, that's the icing on the cake!

Hoping for a great feedback!