Jan 9, 2011

Rotten Apples


It really sucks when someone you are awfully close to goes missing without any notice. I mean, what are you supposed to do? Wait for them when there are no signs of them showing up day after day after day? Or are you supposed to be worried about them when there is no way of reaching them except for email and messages to which you receive no response? Are you supposed to be angry at them for not being available, or are you supposed to feel the constant blues?

Our mind is really funny... Sometimes it gets attached to an idea of a person, the person we want to be, or the person we want to be with, or the person we want to fall for, just the whole idea is so amusing that we start living in an illusion which makes us happy and keeps us going, gives us the motivation to move ahead.

The point which confuses me is, since there is an almost invisible line between reality and illusion... How far can we go? How far could we believe it? People come and go but some of them, we really want to stay besides us. So do we let the real person go and keep staying with the illusion?

Don't know if any of you is familiar with this feeling...
Life's a bitch like that!

9 comments:

PULKIT said...

dear Ash,

This is significant to some sort, has a personal back drop but since U haven't gone at length to disclose it, I wouldn't be an ass and focus my whole comment asking about it.

less to narrate on the post itself, this wasn't just a prose...it was a soliloquy of some sort, as I read it.

yes...I had been through this... someone made me go through this feeling... at an age where I was so so unsure of all I felt, someone close to me disappeared for some strange reason, someone I was dependent one for every day chit chats and what not...those days back then, FB was not there, orkut had just started its rage... and one cell off or a change number was enough for her to throw me out of her life, when she just wanted to hide.... only to return back 8 months later, to find me grown up 8 years in those 8 months, and seemingly a person with a world, where she couldn't fit in again. Memories...they have a knack of coming back with some posts.......


I would also here like to make a confession that now, At times my life becomes so unarranged that instead of picking every broken peice I prioritize hiding myself, deleting social accounts, changing sims... etc, I do that very often... infact such a phase comes in every 4-6 months now :( and somehow I attain a saddistic pleasure in those lonely nights, when I live in deception that some friends would be missing me, and then cry to realize that they might not........


said enough!
tc
regards

Satans Darling™ said...

Hey Pulkit,

It is really nice to see a comment that is so heartfelt. Yeah, I know it is easier to lose yourself in that feeling of loneliness, but let me warn you, you might just fall in love with it and start avoiding letting people into your life. I kinda love it. Have been living alone in a chaotic surrounding for decades now.

The question still remains, when you're all alone, and finally let someone in your life, and when they leave suddenly... What do you do? You're already cut off from the world. You love being alone. So what do you do? Just live with an illusion?

Scribbling Girl said...

Sigh ....i can relate to the feeling....sometimes we r left all alone to ourself and we make a imaginary world of them returning someday....but alas real and illusions are different.....we do cut for a while to gather ourself ...but then that will kill us....so social relations are important....solitary confinement never works....we need to believe in ourselves and ppl who love us even when we choose to cut it out ....and someday we will come out of illusion.....and even if we dont do ...we accept the reality that they will never return...

sulo said...

life is a bitch lik that - hanh?! :P he hee - I guess so... am not good at emo based situations... as much as i like to think that i handle it better des days... i rly dono... have messed up bigg time in the past... n ppl have gone missing as well :D :-l

rt here - rt now - i mean recently i havent faced any such thing... thank god! n that only means i have stayed out of it as much as psbl... but if i had yielded to any such emo trauma now.. my sane mind wants to say that i have learnt the trade far too well n that i would react better... but at the end of it all god only knows whether or not i still am a sucker ;D u know wat i mean :P

Satans Darling™ said...

Scribbling Girl,

Yeah, socializing is important. But it is so difficult to trust people these days, the guard comes up automatically. The person has to be willing to take a risk. If you take that risk, you might end up getting something amazing or else end up all stabbed and bloody and hopeless. It is very difficult to know how a person might be, and hence, not letting people get that close is a good idea, I guess. They might not be able to hurt you so bad then.

Yeah, one fine day, we all have to face the truths.. Can't keep running forever... Sigh

Satans Darling™ said...

Sulo,

How are you darling? How was your trip?

Yeah, the one thing that makes you wanna hang on is Faith. Don't know for how long though!!!

Ragpicker said...

Hey Ash,

Insightful post I must say. The invisible line between reality and illusion lies inside our own way of interpreting our past experiences and how we chose to accept them.

Thanks for sharing such a good write.

Satans Darling™ said...

Rag!!

That could not have been put better.. You got me thinking now...

sulo said...

trip was great ash!!! had a lovely time.. met my coll frens - jnrs - snrs - everybody :) it sure was a good start to 2011 ;)