Sep 17, 2011

Growing Up = Letting Go.

Life has been throwing minor punches in my face so frequently over the past few months that I have become non responsive and have decided to give in and absorb what I can. There were numerous instances when I thought about going ahead and blogging about it, but you know what, it all felt incomplete. Like there is a lot more coming my way. Playing Miss Spongebob has helped me in more ways than I can imagine and introspection in itself has been dug deep into and revelations that took place only brought out how much in denial I had been living for the past half a decade. But that is all part of growing up, right? Right.

From indulging into retail therapy to realizing the importance of knowing my body as a medium to know myself, from turning into a social animal to embracing something I knew always existed within me but never found the drive to give my everything to it, from changing my wardrobe to changing my look, from deleting my laptop and computer history to renaming every single folder on there, from reading between the lines to regretting being a whorezilla to people, it has been a real steep learning curve, and only one thing has been constant - Change.

I think one can only find happiness inside their heart when they learn to let go. Let it go people, for real. Coz the best feeling in this world is when you forgive people, when you forgive yourselves, and keep this in mind that life is nothing but a series of changes, which you will keep adapting to, now and forever. I have had a hard time letting go of people who managed to hurt me, and here's the thing about that - people can hurt me only if they have been that close to me or have had me love them at one point or the other. I do not get hurt by strangers. But when I do get hurt, I find myself in that awkward spot where I feel they might have belittled me just coz I loved them unconditionally, which in turn unleashes the bitchy whore in me. And then I just spew out words right from my emotional gutter, inventing new things and just filling out my own heart with hatred. That was so not cool. I should specify one thing though, no matter how much hate I send at you, I will NEVER, EVER wish badly for you. I can promise you that much.

But here I am, apologizing my heart out to anyone I might have bitched about, knowingly or unknowingly, or hurt them in any way whatsoever. Except one person, who hurt me so bad that I have not found it in my heart to be nice to them yet. I don't think that's gonna happen either. But yeah, other than that, Please forgive me guys, and know that I love all of you the same.


10 comments:

Purple said...

I love you <3..thats all I can say..we r all human beings..n a part of being true frnds is that if a frnd hurts u..or u dun like sumthing abt her/him..u directly or indirectly express it to the person itself or a third person...but that doesn't make u a bad person..sumwhere deep inside u know..the reaction was spontaneous and if u love sumone a lot..and get hurt..its normal that u wd react for the moment..<3

Satans Darling™ said...

Thanks baby :)

Ice Maiden said...

I think you are incapable of wishing anyone anything bad. Honestly. :)

But ah well, we all have been there done that, haven't we?

I know exactly how much it helps to let go of junk. Stuff that is SO obviously not helping you, or adding to you life anyway. That is the sole reason why I am where I am right now, all OK to take a huge step ahead. You know what I am talking about right? If I had sat brooding about, hating the person who got me drunk enough to get me sitting on your bed not knowing wtf was happening in my life... I don't think I would have stumbled upon the one person who has changed my world upside down. I would have gone on hating, and never making space for something better. Such a waste of time and energy it would have been right? So yea, growing up = letting go. :)

And I am sorry, for whatever happened in the while between. Hope you can forgive me for whatever I have hurt you for. You know, saying sorry ALSO is letting go I have learnt. Helps so much. :)

Love,
Annie.

Satans Darling™ said...

When we look back now, ALL THAT seems really petty. I am sorry too, Annie, and sending lots of love and happiness your way :)

Ragpicker said...

Good heartfelt post which was mix of both easy and not so easy read. I think I owe you an apology for being absconding since ages ! ... I pray for all positive changes for you in the future as you rightly said - change is the only constant ...

Take care my dear friend and lets meet soon .

Regards,
Rags.

Dr.Mayurakshi said...

heartfelt words echoing my thoughts in the recent past.

Satans Darling™ said...

Rag, you do owe me an apology :| But well it is all good, I know how crazy life gets especially with people like you and me :) I cannot wait to hear from you. Love.

Satans Darling™ said...

Hey Mayurakshi!! Well I am pretty convinced that we are leading parallel lives!! Thanks for the read and congrats on becoming Dr.Mayurakshi! :)

ankur shukla said...

great post indeed,wish we could have more posts from you!!

ankur shukla said...

great post indeed!!!

wish we could have more posts from you :)