Feb 2, 2009

Inspiration


Pin drop silence, I stand amidst the center of the stage,
Miss perfect smile, covering rivers of nervousness within,
I trust my buoyancy, yet I shiver to the soul
But the podium supports me, standing ahead
With the paper papyrus and the ink filled feather.
Excited, exhilarated, delighted and elated
With the Compères words, I feel the flutter.


"What inspires you to win this crown?" He takes a pause
"You have two minutes, your time begins now"
I think of things that inspire every other,
The first thing I think that inspires, is mother,
I try to think out of the box, when I look above
And ahead of me lies deep, deep darkness,
So silent it feels with murmurs and whispers
I hear the murmurs loud in my ears,
"Go for it, India" I heard a cheer.


I then looked down, kept running my feather
And it rolled my mind on that papyrus paper.
I surpassed the infinite numbness,
The songs, the announcements rendered with my deafened ears,
The next thing I heard loud, was the same crowd cheer,
When the distance between the Universe and India seemed near.
I looked everywhere for inspiration, and it was right here!

P.S. I wrote this poem for a poetry contest on the Writer's Lounge. Do let me know how you like it people. I need criticism on this one!

23 comments:

Kishore Choudhary said...

its really inspiring.

Satans Darling™ said...

Thank you Kishore :)

^_^ SENO ^_^ said...

criticism huh ?:P

its very well written, but for a amateur like me, it was kind of a bit over the board ! :)

rest assured, its very well written poetry, but I have seen better of yours ;-)

Hope i din make it too harsh :

Satans Darling™ said...

I kinda saw that one coming Seno.. But yeah I was trying to go a little over the edge this time. Thanks for the comment :)

IcE MaiDeN said...

i think it was perfect. i esp loved the last lines when she lloks around for inspiration, and finds it right here. it was lovely.

aZoed said...

very nice piece... loved the subtle references here, there and everywhere...

Satans Darling™ said...

Thanks Annie :)

Thanks aZoed for dropping by and liking my work :)

Gauri Mathur said...

Yeah,,its really a lovely piece,how can somebody can critisize it? Good Work!:)
Keep Empowering:-)

mysterious gal said...

hey its amazing n truly inspiring...infact best way to tell inspiration is not something to be looked for its just there we need to just open our eyes to it
Lovely piece
keep writing
Love it :-)

Anurag said...

it really seems it comes from the mouth of a miss universe... very realistic...

Anonymous said...

its really great...
whn i saw the pic, i thought u wrote it for paro :P
nway the poems end is so perfect,i liked it very much..great work

SALIL KARPE said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Satans Darling™ said...

Thnk you Nabs :)

Thanks a lot Anurag, glad you liked it!

Salil, Agar uske liye likhti toh uski pic lagaati but I knew this comment would come from you :P

^_^ SENO ^_^ said...

seems like I was the only one to criticize *rolls eyes*

Aditi..............:) said...

Btw am putting up ur blog in my list of fav blogs...:)
do visit mine too...:)

Satans Darling™ said...

Same to same Aditi :)

Satans Darling™ said...

OMG Gauri, I missed your comment there :) Thanks a lot for dropping by :)

Prem Piyush Goyal said...

so what were the results of the competition ..

sawan said...

that was beautiful! well expressed..

Satans Darling™ said...

Thank you Sawan :) But I have to admit I had to try a lot to make this one seem a little different. All the others have just come out naturally...

sawan said...

the effort got the desired result! :P

Brosreview said...

Well, I like the atmosphere you've managed to create via words to explain the intensely tensed situation while on the podium with eyes looking at you with hope. Isn't that enough to call this a good piece?

To me, this piece is very well-written!

On re-reading, the only thing I would change (if at all I did), would be the structure of this piece. Probably, I might trim it down here and there and make it more refined. But, while doing it, I will make sure that I don't take out its essence.

Is that enough criticism for you SD? Heh.

Well done! Keep writing!!!

Satans Darling™ said...

That is pretty honest of you :) I had put in a lot of thought into this poem.